When Your S/O Has No Dreams…

I know a few people like this..

    Because that last one was tiny… (#TWSS) I’m giving you a round two in the same day… Consider it a makeup from Christmas slackness…

     It’s no great secret that I’m single and have been for some while. Every now and then, I’ll sit back and think about the things that my last serious relationship has taught me. There’s several different post-worthy lessons, so I can’t list all the lessons here. However, there is one thing that struck a chord with me.

    My ex had 50-lem dreams and had a plan for none. I remember back then, my communication wasn’t stellar, I just woke up one day and told him, “I can’t be with you.” Not knowing the reason why, just knowing that there was something about his nonchalance that irritated me. Every five minutes there was a new plan. He was going back to school, then didn’t. He wanted to be a producer and just needed to sell one beat. All I remember is that while I admired him having a dream, I just couldn’t get past the fact that while he was workin on his dream, his cell phone was cut off because he had no money to pay the bill.

   It reminds me of that episode of A Different World where Ron had no money to pay rent and Dwayne was gonna kick him out. Reality is, you can’t pay your bills with a dream.

   Then I thought about the other side of the coin. Suppose my boyfriend had no dreams. Was totally content going to his job and being a customer service tech (or whatever) not even striving to be the head of his department. He’s fine just going to work and coming home again, setting a goal for nothing. I wonder if I would lose respect for him because damn, you mean to tell me that where you are right now is ALL you want out of life?

    Almost everyday, I write out a to-do list of the things that I want to get completed that day. As I go through the day, I cross things off. At the end of the day, I examine everything I got done and feel a sense of accomplishment, no matter how small. I cannot imagine the person that I am dealing with not having one of those for his life. Just fine with moving from day to day, each day the same as the one before. Where do they do that? And is it normal?

   Am I asking too much? Is it not that big of a deal to anyone but me? Is it just the rant of someone that can’t sit still for too long in their own life?

5 Responses to “When Your S/O Has No Dreams…”
  1. Attorney2be says:

    I just met someone like this. But he doesn’t talk about dreams but he has no goals or no ambitions in life. His excuse is I’m still young. While I’ll agree 30 is not old you’re still old enough to have some type of direction in life. I would not get involved with anyone like that. I have way too many goals and am pushing forward with them. Un-ambitious men and women irk me. If your not goal oriented then I have no time for you. I don’t want anyone holding me back.

  2. max says:

    Personally I don’t think I’d be mad at a man who is content with his lot in life. I think that that mentality gets a bad rap and it’s really more a projection of your own stuff than an actual issue with the man’s life.
    What’s so wrong with a man that has a decent, respectable job and works hard at it without constantly angling to move up? Why does that turn into an indictment against him? Maybe he wants to ensure he has a work-life balance and knows that aiming for bigger things will compromise that. Maybe he’s doing exactly what he dreamed of doing when he was a kid and is happy he got where he wanted to be?

    I just think that people’s dreams are their own business. If you have yours go after them and more power to them. But if I don’t have any, or they’re not as lofty as you think they should be that’s your issue not mine.

  3. ambition is very important to me when i choose to be with a person. in fact i’ll go a step further and include my friends in that (can’t say family because you can’t control your family). but i’m a strong believer in birds of a feather. i have a lot of life plans that i’m on my way to accomplishing. i’ve worked hard and sacrificed a lot in my life to make it as far as i’ve made it thus far. i can’t surround myself with people who are just content with staying where they are and have no motivation to move upward and better their situation. you should always be looking to expand your horizons

  4. Wu says:

    Personally I have dreams and goals that I’m working towards. I do have to agree with Max when it comes to someone else’s dreams. Some people are content with there stations in life and for some their current station may be the realization of a dream. I just can’t knock someone for that.

  5. keisha brown says:

    im a planner, by nature and trade so it’s hard for me to picture myself with someone that doesn’t have a plan for where they’d like to end up. MLK had a dream, but he also had a plan and took action towards achieving both someday.

    do i think some men get discounted too quick because of this? yes. but chalk it up to one of the always been-always will be socialization of men things.

    i think there is also a big difference between the man who is fine with being a manager at McD’s (that stable and economically sound) vs the 36 yr old wannabe rapper.

    i dated a dude that i fell in love with. who wanted to marry me. but his half-a$$ed approach to his acting/modelling frustrated me. i told him before i broke up with him, that he needs to be on his own and do it and do it right. because if we get married and have kids..there is no competition between audition fees and diapers.

    i see the progress my career has made since then, and i know for the most part i made the right decision.

    for the most part….

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