On His List of Regrets…
I will try not to make this week a repeat of the last.. I love you all for understanding..
So.. I spoke to an ex Friday night. I looked him up on the computer at work. I don’t know why, maybe because in between my daydreaming about my boss and trying to stay awake, 411.com is the only site that we won’t get in trouble for accessing. (my job is a hater) I find that he was still at the same phone number and address from 14 years ago when we dated. I dialed his number and there was a yell that greeted me. He yelled out my full government name and then started telling me how good God was. It seems that he had been trying to find me for a while.
The last time we saw each other was maybe 3 years ago. I went to get gas at my local BP and he was working there. He asked me out and it never came to pass. He’d tried to find me on Facebook (good luck) and looked me up online (better luck next time) and still had no luck.
Truth be told, I don’t know why I called him. Actually, I do. Every now and then when the hormones run high and the heart feels lonely, some women (namely, me) reach out to one of the people that would give us an ego boost. Maybe that’s what this was. I’ve done some crazy things in those moments. They never went as far as sex, but finding myself spending time with someone I wouldn’t like on a bad day is one of them.
Anyway, after he got over the shock of hearing from me, he went on to explain that he had been trying to find me to make amends. In my head I’m thinking, “it’s been 14 years homeboy, we cool.” But he still felt it was necessary. After all this time, he remembers me as being the one that loved him unconditionally. He said that he could appreciate that it wasn’t about cars or money with me. (that’s right, because he had neither) That I just gave him love and that’s all I asked for in return. I had to admit, it made me smile. It was one of the nicest compliments I had gotten in a while.
I was no more than 17 when we were together. 17 and stupid enough to believe that the relationship I was in at the moment was going to be the one that would last forever. This is after he had a baby momma that I knew nothing about. This was after he cheated on me with a girl that we all worked with. This was after he moved the baby momma in his mom’s house and was still trying to date me as she wore the engagement ring that he gave her before they broke up. This was after the girl that he cheated on me with egged my mother’s car.
After I “vandalized his car” I let him go. I didn’t have the strength to fight a woman that claimed to be his fiancee’ and had the ring to prove that sumthin was going on between them (or had been re-ignited).
After this guy, I realized that the common theme for my life would be a slew of men that would want me back after I had let them go. And I know that this theme is as common as romantic comedy storylines. This guy set that theme in motion. I would like to say that it gives me some kind of satisfaction to hear someone say “you were the one I should’ve married” after you’d been preaching to them how great you were. But it doesn’t. All it does it solidify the fact that women and artists have a lot in common. Unappreciated in their own time. The world only believing their value after they have died (or the relationship had died). He was number one of the numerous guys that wish they had bought the painting while it was available. (Still sticking with the “artist” parallel here).
Why must you guys always find out the hard way?
What about you? Is there an ex out there singing your praises after the piece of your heart he had has been healed (and closed up)? Did it make you feel validated in some way? Did you want to yell out, “I told you so!?” Is there anyone you wished you’d savored when you had them? Is it just the way that life works? Is the only way that we can appreciate someone when we have them is because we remember what it feels like when we found out too late? Is that the only way to learn the lesson?
Go ahead and talk about it…
Peace and Love, Nick