On His List of Regrets…

     I will try not to make this week a repeat of the last.. I love you all for understanding..

     So.. I spoke to an ex Friday night. I looked him up on the computer at work. I don’t know why, maybe because in between my daydreaming about my boss and trying to stay awake, 411.com is the only site that we won’t get in trouble for accessing. (my job is a hater) I find that he was still at the same phone number and address from 14 years ago when we dated. I dialed his number and there was a yell that greeted me. He yelled out my full government name and then started telling me how good God was. It seems that he had been trying to find me for a while.

   The last time we saw each other was maybe 3 years ago. I went to get gas at my local BP and he was working there. He asked me out and it never came to pass. He’d tried to find me on Facebook (good luck) and looked me up online (better luck next time) and still had no luck.

   Truth be told, I don’t know why I called him. Actually, I do. Every now and then when the hormones run high and the heart feels lonely, some women (namely, me) reach out to one of the people that would give us an ego boost. Maybe that’s what this was. I’ve done some crazy things in those moments. They never went as far as sex, but finding myself spending time with someone I wouldn’t like on a bad day is one of them.

    

Lookin like "808's and heartbreak."

Anyway, after he got over the shock of hearing from me, he went on to explain that he had been trying to find me to make amends. In my head I’m thinking, “it’s been 14 years homeboy, we cool.” But he still felt it was necessary. After all this time, he remembers me as being the one that loved him unconditionally. He said that he could appreciate that it wasn’t about cars or money with me. (that’s right, because he had neither) That I just gave him love and that’s all I asked for in return. I had to admit, it made me smile. It was one of the nicest compliments I had gotten in a while.

   I was no more than 17 when we were together. 17 and stupid enough to believe that the relationship I was in at the moment was going to be the one that would last forever. This is after he had a baby momma that I knew nothing about. This was after he cheated on me with a girl that we all worked with. This was after he moved the baby momma in his mom’s house and was still trying to date me as she wore the engagement ring that he gave her before they broke up. This was after the girl that he cheated on me with egged my mother’s car.

    After I “vandalized his car” I let him go. I didn’t have the strength to fight a woman that claimed to be his fiancee’ and had the ring to prove that sumthin was going on between them (or had been re-ignited).

   After this guy, I realized that the common theme for my life would be a slew of men that would want me back after I had let them go. And I know that this theme is as common as romantic comedy storylines. This guy set that theme in motion. I would like to say that it gives me some kind of satisfaction to hear someone say “you were the one I should’ve married” after you’d been preaching to them how great you were. But it doesn’t. All it does it solidify the fact that women and artists have a lot in common. Unappreciated in their own time. The world only believing their value after they have died (or the relationship had died). He was number one of the numerous guys that wish they had bought the painting while it was available. (Still sticking with the “artist” parallel here).

    Why must you guys always find out the hard way?

    What about you? Is there an ex out there singing your praises after the piece of your heart he had has been healed (and closed up)? Did it make you feel validated in some way? Did you want to yell out, “I told you so!?” Is there anyone you wished you’d savored when you had them? Is it just the way that life works? Is the only way that we can appreciate someone when we have them is because we remember what it feels like when we found out too late? Is that the only way to learn the lesson?

   Go ahead and talk about it…
    Peace and Love, Nick

Advertisements
Comments
10 Responses to “On His List of Regrets…”
  1. LaLaBakir says:

    I’ve totally had this happen. A number of times. Recently an ex said he had “issues” w/ me. I was really confused b/c we dont’ speak often and when we do, it’s really casual. Apprently he can’t stop thinking about me lately (so it’s my fault you can’t control your thoughts?) and wants to see me. He also wants me to relay the message to the (non-exsistent) dude I’m dealing w/ that he’s trying to win me back.

    F*ck.

    Out.

    Of.

    Here.

    Can I tell you I have ZERO interest in my ex? I feel like our time has come and gone. Yes, I get it. You appreciate now what I was trying to school you on back then. That’s unfortunate, really it is….b/c once I’m over you…I’m DONE!!!

    • nicknotnikki says:

      1. You see the date that I am coming back to comment on this, right?
      2. Forgive me…

      3. Your “F*ck.Out.Of.Here” had me DYING!!!!! And because I check my phone in the bathroom at work (FML right now) I KNOW someone thought I was doing something real suspicious in the next stall…
      4. I’m tired of tellin these dudes.. Once my feelings for you are gone, there is no getting them back.. Not only that, but it’s like I got better with each one, so when I look back, a lot of the time the thought is “what was I thinking?” You shouldn’t go from sugar to sh*t..
      5. what cracks me up is the “i wanna see you..” comment.. I’m always saying “For why?!” I look the same.. you wanna know what I look like, check my Facebook.. it’s all there for you to love and enjoy (and jerk off to)

  2. MsEsquire77 says:

    I’ve had this happen before, a few months ago actually. It made me laugh because he was about to be married and talking about what a great catch I was. Yet when we were dating he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Men are some confusing creatures.

  3. What about you?

    of course. there are exes out there that i know if i would give half the time of day we would be back together in an instant but i’m not interested in going backwards. i’m more interested in moving forward.

    Is there an ex out there singing your praises after the piece of your heart he had has been healed (and closed up)?

    the difference between my situation and the one you described is that i’ve never been dumped. i’ve had enough insight into relationships to know when enough is enough. i don’t drag things out but somehow even though i was the one to leave the relationship i still get the “do you ever think about what if” texts and phone calls.

    Did it make you feel validated in some way?

    not really. it actually doesn’t make me feel good at all. i’m not really a fan of rehashing old feelings and opening up old wounds.

  4. WELL.IM THE MAN THAT NICOLE IS TALKING ABOUT.WHEN U R YOUNG U DO ALOT OF THINGS THAT U REGRET OR WISH U COULD CHANGE WHEN U GET OLDER.BUT I ADMIT TO ALL THE MISTAKES THAT IVE MADE.YES I LOVED HER DEEPLY BUT I WAS TO YOUNG TO DISCOVER WHAT REAL LOVE WAS.AND YES TIL THIS DAY SHE IS THE ONE THAT I SHOULDVE MARRIED AND I STILL LOVE HER.TIME GOES ON AND THINGS GET BETTER OR WORST.BUT ITS UP TO U TO DECIDE WHAT IS BEST FOR U.AT THE TIME I WAS A WORLD CLASS WHORE AND HAD NO REGARDS FOR ANYONE ELSES FEELING BESIDES THE ONES IN MY PANTS.BUT NOW THAT IM OLDER THATS THE LAST THING THAT I THINK OF.MY HEART IS WHAT CONTROLS ME.I JUST WISH THAT NICOLE CAN SEE THAT NOW.BECAUSE I HAVE ZERO GAME SO I SAY WHATS ON MY HEART NOT ON MY MIND.CAN TWO PEOPLE START ALL OVER?YES!!!IF IT MEANS THAT MUCH TO YOU.ARENT WE ALL LOOKING FOR THAT PURE UNFILTERED LOVE?YES.SO PLEASE DONT JUDGE ME BY MY PAST.LOOK AT MY PRESENT.BECAUSE WHEN U THINK OF IT.YESTERDAY IS GONE AND ALL WE HAVE IS RIGHT NOW.SO DONT BE AFRAID TO GO BACK AGAIN AND TRY OVER.BECAUSE U NEVER KNOW WHAT U HAVE BEEN MISSING IN YOU LIFE.ITS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST IT INSTEAD OF NEVER HAVING LOVED AT ALL.BY THE WAY…I STILL LISTEN TO WU-TANG AND NOW ENJOY STARBUCKS.GIVE IT A TRY!U NEVER KNOW WHAT WILL BE THE END RESULT.LOVE ALWAYS AND A DAY.UR FIRST AND ONLY TRUE LOVE.SLHSR.

  5. This has never happened to me. I kind of want to drop farm equipment on my ex but I may be kind of petty. The few times I’ve bumped into her I was pleasant and I’m guessing that she knows the level of ire I held for her so it was “hey” and keep it moving.

    My past is past me…

  6. I haven’t had an ex admit they shouldn’t have broken up with me, but I’ve also never gone back and felt that I shouldn’t have broken up with an ex. Once the deed had been done, the person who ended the relationship has never looked back (publicly).

    I’m glad that my exes haven’t come at me trying to suggest they missed out and should’ve never broken up with me. While it’s sometimes a nice ego boost, it doesn’t change anything about how I already feel about myself. And I don’t try to pretend that if we were still together that things would be all smiles and candy-coated raindrops. It’s interesting to think about what could have been, but I’m much more interested in what could/will be.

  7. sandra says:

    My ex of 4 years never came back and told me… he actually rubbed in my face the current girl he dating is so much prettier than me and blah blah blah… however… his homeboys constantly telling me different… that year we broke up, he was constantly talking about me, missing me, and how great a girl i was… he even had this girl who he was dating come after me trying to tarnish my name because he will always tell her in heated arguements how much of a better girlfriend i was and how she needs to be more like me… mind you, i never met this chick but heard she had it out for me and wanted to fight me!

    guys have such a big ego and pride… just from the ones who commented on here has proven that… they refuse to admit that they regret loosing a girl by not rehashing old wounds and etc.

  8. Attorney2be says:

    Going backwards has never been my thing. I tried it once and after talking to the person for about three days, it reminded me why I dropped his narcissistic behind in the first place. Once crazy, always crazy.

    Knowing the type of person I am it wouldn’t flatter me or make me feel good if someone wanted me back. If you are my ex, you are there for a reason. You wanting me back does nothing for my ego. It really just makes me think you are crazier than I imagined. Going backwards in a relationship is like living in the past. If you live in the past then it’s hard to have a future.

    I always remember what my friend from McComb, MS said. “Never chew your tobacco twice.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: