The Ish That Men Don’t Do…

    Just thought I’d share that the temperature today was 86 degrees. Forget autumn, what happened to winter?

    Once upon a time, I was talking to my homeboy. For lack of a better word, let’s say he’s a “naturalist.” No, this doesn’t mean that he hugs trees and doesn’t use deordorant. He just likes looking (and being) a bit “rugged.” He has dreads, but doesn’t like when they’re too neat. He trims his bears, but doesn’t want to be too “put together.” These traits/habits are ok I suppose, because he’s cute as hell. (Really, he is)

    We were on the phone one day, and somehow I mentioned that I’d given myself a pedicure. I asked him when was the last time he got one, and he balked. He said that it’s something that men just don’t do. Now, I’m fully aware that some men do this, but in his mind, it was taking the “put together” look to the next level. Of course, this whole speech (fueled by his disgust for my implying he should do his feet) sparked a whole nother discussion (and this post.) He didn’t understand why men couldn’t just be men. I had to assure him that no one was trying to turn him into a metrosexual, but if there’s a better version of yourself to show the world, then why not do that?

    He had no answer. And he didn’t see my point.

     So, courtesy of my cute homeboy, this is the list (according to him) of things that men just don’t do.

   1. Get pedicures.

     Now, I’ve been with some dudes that looked like they climbed trees with their feet. I find it ridiculous that these were the men that wanted to show off their crusty toes. In one relationship, I made a conscious decision to not look down. I would start thinking “Why don’t you love me?” Sometimes, I’d forget, look down and gasp. If I actually love you and that’s my reaction, then I’m SURE the world ain’t ready for it. Just let me do you this one favor. I’ll pay for the pedicure. If you’ve got V.I.P. status with me, I’ll even do it myself. Odds are, there’s a “trailer load” of skin just waiting to be set free. I’m not Ms. Cleo, but I see lotion in your future. (And a whole lot of footsies because my feet can tolerate yours.)

    1a. Wear lotion.

     I don’t exactly understand this one. There have been times when I’ve used someone’s legs as a chalkboard to prove a point. I don’t like lotion, BUT I know that if the public will be seeing a region usually covered then lotion is a must. Do you work in a flour factory? Then there’s no reason you should look like you walked barefoot through one. And you know all that softness that your feet now posess because we got that pedicure? Well, you can maintain that if you let Jergen’s be your friend. Let’s try that out.

   2. Get facials.

    I know, I know. I realize that this is a stretch. Shucks, I’ve hardly gotten facials. I know that men can use whatever soap just washed the franks and beans to wash their face. It doesn’t matter. And I know your faces can tolerate it. Your skin is perfect just the way it is. (I hate you) But there’s all sorts of muck and grime under the surface that must be eradicated. I realize it ain’t broke, so why fix it. But I just want you to be able to rock with me when we hit our 60’s. (Because I’m gonna be looking young and fly!) It doesn’t have to be an every Friday affair. But a facial and a close shave is LEGENDARY. Let me put it this way. There was a reason why M-i-s-t-e-r. STILL asked Celie for a shave EVEN though he knew she could’ve slit his throat. I’m sayin tho, if a man is willing to risk his life for it, then I would wonder just how good it was. 

   Let’s file that under: “Things to think about.”

   3. Get manicures.

    I didn’t ask you to get a french manicure. I didn’t say get a full set of acrylics. In essense, I just want you to look like you care. Now, I’m an active girl. I do a lot of things with my hands (#Pause) so a manicure isn’t always on the menu. However, I do my hands at home. I scrub them, lotion them, and make sure that the dirt from the backyard isn’t still under my nails days later. I know it’s thought that a man’s hands should be rough. It symbolizes manliness and a basic “I’m strong and do strong man things.” But when I peep the callouses and they’re tough as hell, I’m not sure I want that touching me. Sandpaper across my body is NOT the move in 2010. Clear polish can even be for the adventurous, just have Yang’s House of Nails get at that. Trust me, we notice.

    Yeah, “this is how I am, women should accept that.” Blah blah blah. If I was to walk around in jeans and say, “this is how I am, a man should just accept it” you would askance in my direction and wonder why I just don’t care. I’m not asking you to wear pink shirts. But upkeep is serious.

   I know it’s not that big of an issue, but I just ask that you consider it. If you think your manhood is threatened because you got a buff n shine, then that’s something else. But until you figure it out, it’ll be our secret.

   Even if you’re a woman that likes rough hands, I KNOW that long pinkie nail has been bothering you. You all can let me know if I’m reaching.

   Passing the nail file and the mic,
    Peace and Love, Nick

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Comments
14 Responses to “The Ish That Men Don’t Do…”
  1. Fabian says:

    As a man, the only thing I can get with is using lotion. That’s mainly because I actually have a skin condition that warrants its use to avoid personal discomfort. Whether you agree or not, most of those things you’ve named are in fact metrosexual tendencies. You might enjoy a clean shaven, polished kind of guy, and you will do well to find them I’m sure. But to think men are being unreasonable for not going through these lengths is unrealistic. I don’t say that to mean we should be unkempt, dirty, or otherwise unapproachable. I wear my hair long, on my head and my face, and I also take care to clean, brush, and comb as necessary to maintain hygiene. I also take care of my hands and feet as far as trimming and cleaning, since that would only be hygienic. Maybe there’s a middle grown between your desire and where most men are.

    • nicknotnikki says:

      My comment to you is two-fold..
      1. Welcome.. *pops champagne*.. Thanks for stopping by..

      2. I didn’t exactly think that my friend was being unreasonable. I was just wondering why he would balk at it so loudly. Like I was asking the most repulsive thing known to man. It’s almost as if we were together and I wanted to do his feet for him, he wouldn’t let me. Is it that big of a deal? Honestly…

  2. Hmmmm… Let’s see.

    1. I’ve had one pedicure in my life. (The harlot I used to had dealings with gave me one.) Honestly, it felt good. I’m not ever going to make this a constant thing. I do take care of my flat-a** feet rather well. My nails and ish are maintained. This shouldn’t go any further before these activities become acts of dandyism.

    1a. You seriously know dudes who don’t used lotion? Okay.

    2.Get facials. Hell no. If Noxema can’t handle it twice a day then it won’t be handled. (Maybe if I had skin like Blake Griffin).

    3. Get Manicures. No again. Clip your nails, file them, keep them clean, and lotion your hands. Unless you’re a model no further actions are needed. I grew up on a farm so my hands are beat to hell and I see them as a badge of honor. My calloused hands remind me of who I am. The lotion I put on them let me know where I’m going. Besides, I don’t trust men with ultra soft hands.

    • max says:

      I’m with Wu here on the manicures. No sir. I don’t even get manicures – they’re a waste of money! Clip your nails, dig out the dirt if applicable, slap some lotion on those bitches and keep it moving.

      But you know me – I like my men ultra-groomed but not pretty. I’m not down with any of the stuff on your list. If a man told me he was getting a facial I’d be like all you need is some Noxema and the steam from your shower.

      • LaLaBakir says:

        *gasps*

        I love manicures! I love when they clip my cuticles and they look all nice and neat. I can’t get in the cuticle like they do. One of the main reasons I get a manicure b/c we all know the polish doesn’t last worth a damn. *looks at nails* I’ll be getting one soon w/ a pedi as well.

    • nicknotnikki says:

      Do I LOVE the fact that you used “dandyish?” Why yes, yes I do..
      And yes, I know dudes that don’t use lotion..
      Also, the fact that you’re a farm boy intrigues the ish outta me..

      • 1. Feel free to use “dandyish”. I just ask that you cite me in the footnotes.

        2. So you mean to tell me that there are grown – a** men in 2010 who aren’t homeless walking around with ash game proper?

        3. Farm boys just happen to rock young lady. I’m not sure about the intriguing part of it though.

  3. MsEsquire77 says:

    This cracked me up and I love your use of the word “askance”!

    I agree with all of your points. A man can be a man without looking like he just escaped from prison or a cave. Basic maintenance shouldn’t be a debate. Rough body parts and ashiness just are NOT sexy…eww!

  4. Capricorn says:

    Not the harlot!! lol

    Pedicures are a must. At home, at the shop, doesn’t matter, but crusty feet are NEVER the business. EVAH!! Manicures are negotiable. I like a man who can take care of himself or is secure enough to have someone do it for him.

  5. I’ve never had a pedicure (I grew up a soccer player, but fortunately my feet haven’t gone to Hell) and only once had a manicure (mom convinced me to get one for prom). My hands and feet require minimal maintenance as far as I’m concerned. Clip, wash, and lotion.

    Lotion is a must. Ashy is not classy.

    Facials?! OH! You’re not talking about… No thanks. Razor bumps on my neck are my biggest problem so I do occasionally use exfoliating scrub, but otherwise I’m good with soap and water.

  6. LaLaBakir says:

    A man getting a pedicure like once a month is cool. Your feet should not be a scratching post for a cat.

    The facials…eh. Not a biggie.

    Nails should be trim and neat. Sans the coke pinky.

    Lotion is a must. Damn that! I takes care of my skin. Anybody who follows me on Twitter knows about my Sugar Scrub Saturday/Sundays…exfoliation once a week…and Vaseline in the winter to keep the skin moisturized.

  7. Cheekie says:

    I don’t really do manicures myself (yeah, even for someone who loves to color her nails so much….but that’s the thing, I do em fine. I’ve even gotten compliments on my self-work. Some folks thought I went to the shop lol) but pedicures feel good every so often. Especially since I walk a lot.

    So, I would be kinda “eh?” about a guy getting manicures but I HATE dirty fingernails. AND long nails on a guy is sketchy. Somethin about him don’t curl all the way over.

    I like a rugged guy, but rugged doesn’t equal dirty and stank. NO one is appealing if they stank dirty. So, while I’d rather my guy keep the manly thing up, I’d also like him to take care of himself. Which for my lovely brothers, that means, no ashiness! Do not go to the Gucci Mane School of Grooming. K, thanks.

  8. Sukez says:

    I know this Jamaican guy who gets religious manicures. Flat irons his long hair. And worships pums. Sounds off right? it’s weird. I don’t know if he gets pedicures but I won’t put anything past this one.

    manicures and pedicures are a stretch. Whatever happened to just maintaining your appearance by yourself? getting the dirt out from under your nails and calling it a day? Ehh. Men are so weird.

    Now LOTION? I don’t care. I’m going to NEED your fire-starting limbs to be lotioned up. Black don’t crack but under certain weather conditions they will. Which is why we must at all times stay lotioned up. I love lotion/oil products. I don’t need my guys NOT using them. That sh* t is necessary. hell, I’ll help you out… O_O

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