The Ish That Men Don’t Do…
Just thought I’d share that the temperature today was 86 degrees. Forget autumn, what happened to winter?
Once upon a time, I was talking to my homeboy. For lack of a better word, let’s say he’s a “naturalist.” No, this doesn’t mean that he hugs trees and doesn’t use deordorant. He just likes looking (and being) a bit “rugged.” He has dreads, but doesn’t like when they’re too neat. He trims his bears, but doesn’t want to be too “put together.” These traits/habits are ok I suppose, because he’s cute as hell. (Really, he is)
We were on the phone one day, and somehow I mentioned that I’d given myself a pedicure. I asked him when was the last time he got one, and he balked. He said that it’s something that men just don’t do. Now, I’m fully aware that some men do this, but in his mind, it was taking the “put together” look to the next level. Of course, this whole speech (fueled by his disgust for my implying he should do his feet) sparked a whole nother discussion (and this post.) He didn’t understand why men couldn’t just be men. I had to assure him that no one was trying to turn him into a metrosexual, but if there’s a better version of yourself to show the world, then why not do that?
He had no answer. And he didn’t see my point.
So, courtesy of my cute homeboy, this is the list (according to him) of things that men just don’t do.
1. Get pedicures.
Now, I’ve been with some dudes that looked like they climbed trees with their feet. I find it ridiculous that these were the men that wanted to show off their crusty toes. In one relationship, I made a conscious decision to not look down. I would start thinking “Why don’t you love me?” Sometimes, I’d forget, look down and gasp. If I actually love you and that’s my reaction, then I’m SURE the world ain’t ready for it. Just let me do you this one favor. I’ll pay for the pedicure. If you’ve got V.I.P. status with me, I’ll even do it myself. Odds are, there’s a “trailer load” of skin just waiting to be set free. I’m not Ms. Cleo, but I see lotion in your future. (And a whole lot of footsies because my feet can tolerate yours.)
1a. Wear lotion.
I don’t exactly understand this one. There have been times when I’ve used someone’s legs as a chalkboard to prove a point. I don’t like lotion, BUT I know that if the public will be seeing a region usually covered then lotion is a must. Do you work in a flour factory? Then there’s no reason you should look like you walked barefoot through one. And you know all that softness that your feet now posess because we got that pedicure? Well, you can maintain that if you let Jergen’s be your friend. Let’s try that out.
2. Get facials.
I know, I know. I realize that this is a stretch. Shucks, I’ve hardly gotten facials. I know that men can use whatever soap just washed the franks and beans to wash their face. It doesn’t matter. And I know your faces can tolerate it. Your skin is perfect just the way it is. (I hate you) But there’s all sorts of muck and grime under the surface that must be eradicated. I realize it ain’t broke, so why fix it. But I just want you to be able to rock with me when we hit our 60’s. (Because I’m gonna be looking young and fly!) It doesn’t have to be an every Friday affair. But a facial and a close shave is LEGENDARY. Let me put it this way. There was a reason why M-i-s-t-e-r. STILL asked Celie for a shave EVEN though he knew she could’ve slit his throat. I’m sayin tho, if a man is willing to risk his life for it, then I would wonder just how good it was.
Let’s file that under: “Things to think about.”
3. Get manicures.
I didn’t ask you to get a french manicure. I didn’t say get a full set of acrylics. In essense, I just want you to look like you care. Now, I’m an active girl. I do a lot of things with my hands (#Pause) so a manicure isn’t always on the menu. However, I do my hands at home. I scrub them, lotion them, and make sure that the dirt from the backyard isn’t still under my nails days later. I know it’s thought that a man’s hands should be rough. It symbolizes manliness and a basic “I’m strong and do strong man things.” But when I peep the callouses and they’re tough as hell, I’m not sure I want that touching me. Sandpaper across my body is NOT the move in 2010. Clear polish can even be for the adventurous, just have Yang’s House of Nails get at that. Trust me, we notice.
Yeah, “this is how I am, women should accept that.” Blah blah blah. If I was to walk around in jeans and say, “this is how I am, a man should just accept it” you would askance in my direction and wonder why I just don’t care. I’m not asking you to wear pink shirts. But upkeep is serious.
I know it’s not that big of an issue, but I just ask that you consider it. If you think your manhood is threatened because you got a buff n shine, then that’s something else. But until you figure it out, it’ll be our secret.
Even if you’re a woman that likes rough hands, I KNOW that long pinkie nail has been bothering you. You all can let me know if I’m reaching.
Passing the nail file and the mic,
Peace and Love, Nick