The Nature of a Liar…
“Please don’t lie to me, unless you’re absolutely sure I’ll never find out the truth”- Ashleigh Brilliant
In the way that I sit back and analyze myself, I realize that I hate lying so much that I tend to share too much in order to overcompensate. I like to be transparent, almost to a fault. But that’s a different story. If I told you the list of things that I despise, it would consist of roaches, mushy food, and people. But liars would be at the top of that list. I don’t like them. I abhor them. And I just thought that I would let you know.
Now, I don’t mind the lies that have absolutely nothing to do with me. Ok, the bottle of Ciroc costs $100 instead of $250 in order to not make moms think you’re squandering your money. That has no bearing on me and my life. I’m talking about the lies that change the nature of the relationship that I might have with someone. No, I’m not solely talking about lies that men have told me. My mother lies to me too and I recently told her that I have no respect for her. A little harsh, yes. But when I told the heifer I didn’t like lies, she didn’t believe me.
Now, I usually don’t have to go looking for the truth. I’ve realized that if I sit back and just wait for it, the truth will somehow land in my lap with a grand “Ta-Daa!”. Whether it’s 1 month or 1 year after, I’ll hear you say something and go, “I thought you went to Tennessee, now you’re saying North Carolina.” Thus, the backtracking begins.
All of the liars that have crossed my path have had several traits in common.
1. They’re all fools.
I forwarn people. “If it seems like I’m asking you the same question over and over again, believe me, I already know the answer.” I don’t know what’s so hard to comprehend. If God personally told you, “there’s gonna be rain tomorrow,” then WHY would you put on your best white clothes and go frolicking in an open field?” Exactly! You wouldn’t. Do not test me. I WARNED YOU! And for someone to not heed that warning makes them a fool, and I don’t have time for fools.
2. They’re no good at it.
There isn’t enough gingko biloba in the world to perfect the memory skills of a liar. They can’t remember what they said, when. And then when someone like me comes along, one that doesn’t forget anything, they can’t compete. I’m a Jeopardy champion sucka. You can’t rock it like me.
3. They insult my intelligence.
I often say that for all the insecurities I have, my mind isn’t one of them. Although I’m not as good as I wish I was, I’m intelligent. Liars will continue to insult my intelligence by thinking that their skills at lying are better than mine are at listening and remembering. Let’s not forget deductive reasoning. The bad thing about it is that my mind will do several processes silently and quickly. So before they can breathe freely that the lie covered the one that preceeded it, I’m asking another question. No one has been fast enough on their feet to keep up with me. And I really think that they should stop trying. If life is a game, they haven’t even gotten to the level that gives consolation prizes. #Amateur
4. You’re wasting our time.
*sigh* Seriously, if you just told the truth, we could both move on. But no, they keep speaking the lies, one to cover the next one. Note for you: just stop. In a month or two, when you get the names wrong, or you hope that I didn’t remember, we’re going to have to re-hash this conversation. And wouldn’t you rather me just get mad at you once? Instead of getting upset each and every time we have to re-do this dialogue? Come on now.
5. They’re like little kids.
One of my main beefs with adults is that they are often so quick to yell how grown they are. All I ask is that if you make a grown decision, then have the balls to stand behind that decision, consequences and all. I often find that people want the leisure of making grown decisions yet want little child punishment. Something about that scenario don’t rock right. My mind cannot compute this unparallel way of being. Just be a friggin grown up and keep it movin. Or else I will treat you like a child. I will question and question until the truth (or your stupidity) comes spilling out of you. And honestly, I ain’t got that kinda time.
If you wanna test how fast I can cut you off, then lie to me. Not the little, “This is a real Louis purse” lies, but the ones that actually mean something. The funny thing is, I’m being so sincere, yet someone will still test me.
Are you a liar? I’m just wondering how honest you’ll be. Or am I the only person out here that this is a big deal to? What’s your tolerance level for liars?
Signed, “I wish you WOULD!”
Peace and Love, Nick