When I Grow Up…
For the sake of the argument, let’s say that I’m a little (umm) “stunted” when it comes to relationships. I’ve bloomed late in almost every aspect of the word. Even at my ripe age, I can say that there are things that I have yet to experience. Even though most people younger than I am have already “been there, done that, bought a postcard.”
This is coming on the heels of hearing (or reading) that a certain blogger went to Europe for vacation. This is one of the things that I have on my list to do once my affairs get in order. I sat back and realized that none of my relationships have been “grown up.” None of them have been the type of thing that I see on Sex and the City. While that is fine, I’m wondering why exactly that is. I can think of a number of factors. One of them being that my last relationship was 5 years ago, and by then we were so comfortable (and broke) that none of the “grown up” things were happening. So I sat down and made a list of things I want to experience in my next relationship.
1. Let’s take this to a different area code.
Sad as it is to say my trips “out of town” with a significant other has been Universal Studios and nothing more. For a while, it didn’t even cross my mind that me and homeboy could go out of the state. The nanosecond I was free from my last relationship I had the flight to NY already booked. Why didn’t I think that this was a possibility? We’re not going to delve into the fact that I was paying for the trips to Universal. That’s another story for another day.
2. Let’s take this outside.
I am really not goin g to settle for someone that thinks that sitting on the couch is the way to be. While I LOVE being home
when no one else is there I think that there’s so much that I want to experience in this life that sitting on the sofa is not the business. I am an outdoorsy person. I want to go kayaking, jet skiing, hiking etc. And I want need to be with someone that can dust off the sneakers and do that with me. No, playing ball with the fellas doesn’t count, because while I’ll come and support you, (“Go baby!”) you need to keep your energy up when it’s time for us to do our thing. And yes, this was an actual issue in a “relationship” of mine. He was so exhausted by the time that basketball was done, he’d come home (get my massage) and wanna sleep for the rest of the day. No sir, “nuttin nuh go so.”
3. Let’s get dressed up.
I want to go out. I want there to be “date night.” I want it to be planned, and I want it to be something special. I want to go to plays, and in order to give my next dude a pass, I’ll see the ballet by myself. I don’t need a 4-star restaurant because to me, a steak is a steak, but I do want there to be reason for me to wear the nice clothes in my closet. Because right now, they’re collecting dust and that’s NOT the business.
4. Can you go away?
My last relationship was a
clusterf*ck cess pool of insecurities and “checkin in.” I’ll often relay just how up my ass my ex was and it makes people laugh. During a period of time, he lived close to my house and he would walk over, RIGHT as I got home from work (which took me 3 busses) and want to stay the night. My next relationship will involve him going home. If I see him twice during the week (and one of those can be date night) then I’m good. The greatest advice my mother ever gave me was rhythm method is a swindle to let a guy miss me. I’ll never tell her she was right, but she was.
This is just a few of the things I think about because autumn always has me being all introspective n sh*t. Although I have no prospects on the horizon, this is some of my list. It’s very sad when I look at it because this is that stuff that shouldn’t have to be a realization, but for whatever reason it is. At least to me.
What about you? I know some of you are in relationships. Do you do these things? For those of us that aren’t, is there anything that I missed? DAMN, I can’t wait to grow up!
See you on Friday,
Peace and Love, Nick