Things Jamaicans don’t understand..
As most of you know, I’m from Jamaica. The fact that I was raised here doesn’t mean that I fully understand some American’s “habits.” As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that there are certain things about Yanks that I’ll just never understand. I realize that this is a cultural difference, but maybe, just maybe you can help me out and answer some burning questions for me.
I’ve often sat back and said something like, “Only in America.” And as if we didn’t have enough questions daily, I’d like to present, “Questions for ya’ll Americans.”
1. Why is that dog in the bed with you?
When all the ladies were here in Miami, we sat around and had a brief conversation about the way that Jamaicans treat dogs. When I was in Jamaica, a dog was that animal that you had to guard the gate. He didn’t come inside the house, why would he? He doesn’t go for a walk, he has the yard. But the situation that makes us question Yanks the most is the dog sleeping in the bed with you. WHY does that happen? ‘Im nuh ave ‘im own bed? I find even more hilarious when I catch that show where the woman has to come in and re-train the dog because he’s in the bed and the woman’s HUSBAND has to sleep on the sofa because the dog kicked him out. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN!? As my mother would say, “A idiot ting dat!” I just don’t get it.
Correction: Chubby did come inside the house once. Hurrican Gilbert was outside. #Truestory
1A: What is dog food?
I didn’t know the concept of dog food til I was in school and I saw Teresa’s dogs getting special food. In Jamaica, you know what the dog gets to eat? Scraps from lunch. My aunt Rose would drop this on the grass when she got home from work, Chubby (the dog) would eat what he wanted, and the palmetto bugs would clean out the rest. *brushes off hands* Done and done. But cooking for a dog?! No, that don’t work. And buying dog food? Nah, I think the dogs they got up here are spoiled.
2. Why do you have all those pills?
Growing up, any kind of ailment could be solved with a cup of tea. Everything to a Jamaican is “gas” and we’re all convinced that a good belch will get you feeling better in no time. Not only that, but you don’t even need to buy teabags (I can’t say “teabags” without laughing) because I have a whole fence full of mint leaves. Come by after church and I’ll pull some for you. I’ll send you home with a bagful of mint, thyme, and some scotch bonnet pepper for good measure.
P.S. This is the truth, do NOT think otherwise!
3. Why are your children talking to you any kind of way?
This might be one of the biggest questions that Jamaicans have about Yanks. I cannot tell you how many times my mother and I have seen a situation happening and we just look at each other as if to say, “why is she not beating him?” Now, I’m guilty of this sometimes, but I’m a grown ass woman. We’re not talking about grown ass people. My momma can’t beat me (anymore). We’re talking about the screaming children in the grocery story. We’re talking about the “I Hate Yous” that can be heard when the parent doesn’t want to buy the toy. We’re talking about the “top of the lungs” screams that interrupt my time in the library, and the ones that don’t want to eat their food on “Super Nanny.” What is the matter with you!? “Give him two beatin and get on with life!” Not only that, when you’re done beating him, call over granny and make her beat them as well. With the belt that you made them get you from the closet. (And make sure they get the right belt too!)
4. Why is sitting in the corner punishment?
Time out? What the hell is a “time out?” Why is being quiet in a corner considered punishment? Depending on the situation, being quiet could be considered “calming yourself before bedtime.” This isn’t punishment. Why hasn’t the belt been fetched yet? If they’re gonna be standing, at least make them do wall squats or something. Outside. In the rain.
5. What do you mean, “they’re 18, they’re an adult?”
Just because the state considers them an adult means NOTHING for what an 18 year old is thought of at home. Like they magically became smarter on their 18th birthday. Are they still living in your house? “Yes?” Then they ain’t grown! And they’re still a kid until they move out! Yes, a curfew might be revised, but don’t start tossing around the “I’m grown” business because you might come home at 2 o’clock without clearing it with Veronica, and find your ass locked out. (And I was 22!)
So there you have it folks. Just some of the things that Jamaicans can’t understand about Yanks. I believe that each one should teach one so I just thought I would put it out there. We can bridge this gap of confusion so easily, just tell me why some of ya’lls counterparts do the things they do. And if you have a question about Jamaicans, I’ll be more than happy to answer. No, don’t ask me about kush.
Thank ya kindly!
Peace and Love, Nick
P.S. I was just joking, you can ask me whatever you want…