Lessons from an ex…
It’s not a secret that I’ve been single for a while now. I got out of my last relationship in 2005. My girl Max wrote a post saying that a woman’s stupid age is 22 and that’s when I met this guy. He was a charmer, and while the relationship was the most serious I’ve ever been in, it was also the most turbulent. Being that I was 22 (and stupid) I stayed. We finally broke up, but I must say that without having been in that relationsip, I wouldn’t have half the GREAT stories that I have now. There’s a lesson wrapped in there somewhere. The stories that make me laugh, and those that make me shake my mutha effin head for. And I wouldn’t have learned these lessons:
1. I’m not a detective, but I’m good at what I do.
My motto: “1+1 will ALWAYS equal 2.”
The above statement is how I look at a lot of things. I tell people that I have no problem accepting things as long as they make sense. It needs to be logical. So when I start hearing stories that don’t make sense, I start to question. I use my logical side and wait for the rope to get long enough to hang you with.
2. Attention whores are NOT FUN!
When we were out with friends, he would turn moody. He would either sulk, or turn quiet and sit by himself. My friends started calling him “grandpa” and “grumpy smurf” which didn’t help. I asked him about it, he said, “well, since your personality is so big, it overshadows mine.” o_O. It STINKS when I have to start minding who I am so that I don’t offend my boyfriend. He was an actor and liked the spotlight. My attention whore radar is finely honed, and I will not deal with one now.
3. Ask the questions.
This ties in to #1 in a loose way. When I was with my boyfriend, things that didn’t make sense would pop up. One day, I asked him what he did and he told me that he went to buy cat food. Tell me why, the next day, he said he had to run out and buy cat food? -_O. I immediately recognized the glitch in the matrix, but didn’t question it. Later on, I found out that his horse was visiting another barn. And all the little questions that I didn’t ask, all the inconsistencies that went unquestioned, came bubbling to the surface like an underwater fart. To this day, if something is inconsistent, a question is coming. Don’t doubt me.
4. Insecure people should be shot.
With my ex, this was a “sleeper” trait. Because of this trait, he would seek others to validate him. “How did she get your number?” “How did she get your email?” Ish like that. Multiplied by the years we were together. I will not deal with an insecure person again. He wouldn’t be just happy sitting on the sofa, I’d HAVE to be talking to him too and all the other ways that I was supposed to be making him believe he was good enough. Yet, this STILL wasn’t enough, as I soon found out.
5. How to communicate.
I grew up in a house that doesn’t talk. When I was in trouble, my mother would slip a sheet of paper under my door telling me all the things I’d done wrong. We don’t talk, we write. On the other hand, my ex was the champion of the debate team. Our arguments were an exercise in me getting browbeaten by a seasoned veteran. It wasn’t until days later that it would dawn on me that his arguments made no sense. By then, I couldn’t bring the problem up again. Because of this, I made a statute of limitations on arguments. After two days, you forfeit the right to talk about a problem. I still do this today. My last friendship was let go because I found out she was harboring issues. I don’t need that. You have mouth, TALK!
An honorable mention goes to the fact that I will never slap someone again (but that’s a different story). These aren’t all the lessons that I learned, but they’re the most important. On top of my getting out of the relationship without any convictions, I have to believe that they made me a better person. The stunning character you see before you now. (well, not literally, but… you know)
What about you? What lessons have you learned from an ex? Share, purge, vent, relax, relate and release..
“Let it go, and just walk away”
Peace and Love, Nick