My Ode to Cereal. . . Redux

   So, when I started out with the Nostalgic Fridays idea, I didn’t exactly think that I’d be thinking about food. Upon further inspection, I realize that food might be one of the things that can catapult me to a little girl. Yes, I realize that this is my second food post, but this one is a little different because I’m just focusing on one type of food.

     Cereal… Yes, cereal.

     Me and cereal go wayy back. It can be the cornmeal porridge that I got when I was a baby, or it can be those SUPER sweet ones that I had to beg Mommy Nick for. No, not Malt-O-Meal ones, I mean the REAL ones that had prizes. I wanted the decoder ring, my stickers, my paste on tattoos. I wanted it all. I wanted my milk to turn chocolatey and sugary. If that combination happened at the same time, that would be great too. Cereal is that breakfast that you eat early on Saturday morning while waiting for mom to wake up and make you real breakfast. Cereal is a meal, a snack, desert, everything. I’ll eat it dry, like candy. I’ll eat it over ice cream. I will eat it when there is nothing else in the house. All I need is $4.50 and I can get cereal and 1/2 gallon of milk. We’re good for the rest of the week.

     You’d think there’d be nothing bad I could say about cereal, but there are some real “sucka m.c.” ones out there. I’d like to give you my “Ode to Cereal: Redux.”

     Oh Frosted Flakes: I see you, with your concept so simple. Yet, the box I have in my friedge right now screams “bootleg.” Ironically, the brand from Target outdoes you, and for that I am sad.

     Cinnamon Toast Crunch: I love you. The thought of you makes my molars sing. However, the minute that milk hits you, your sugar comes off faster than Peaches’ thong at King of Diamonds. I do not appreciate that. However, you taste great over my vanilla ice cream.

   Capn’ Crunch: You are so lovely. The perfect combination of everything. Not too much sugar, the right flavor, and DON’T get me started on your Crunch Berries. Your shape though. *sigh* Your shape is a jagged situation, it’s ribbed, and not for my pleasure. Re-assess thy shape post haste.

   Honey Bunches of Oats: You seem like the perfect idea. Like a sugar cereal that grown-ups can appreciate. You like to make us think that we’re being healthy without being Kashi-like. I like your commercial with the lady in the factory yelling “Anybody hongry!?” I find it cute. But the way your cereal acts when it hits milk is the way that penises act when cold water is around. You shrink, and get mushy and retreat. And like mushy penises, I don’t like that.

   Honey Nut Corn Flakes: Am I sad that Kellogg’s discontinued you? Yes I am. Did I call the Kellogg’s offices to ask them where you’d gone? Yes I did. Did I go to New York, see you in a bodega and buy two boxes? Yes I did. My feelings were hurt. No, the honey corn flakes that are out now DO NOT compare! They’re a sad substitution. What made you great was the NUT (||) Am I the only one that bought this cereal? I’m not a betting person, but I’ll bet $7,000  Monopoly dollars that the answer is “yes.” *sigh*.. just mutha effin sigh.

    Honorable Mention Award goes to: Rice Krispies
       I don’t know what purpose you serve. I wish you had sugar (save your story about the frosted ones) I LOVE your “Snap, Crackle, Pop” guys. But the only time you deserve to be around is when you’re baked into a gooey square. I like that you make noise. I like that there could be 5 million of you in my bowl and it would only measure 1 cup. But you have no flavor, and something bout that don’t rock right. I love you, but just go ——>>> thataway…

        *sigh* I love cereal. I can’t be any more blunt. I had to sing a love song to the food that brings me joy (and memories.) I’m not even gonna ask any questions, because I can die happy, knowing that I got my true love out for the world to see. Although you can tell me the cereal that makes you wish they’d issue a recall.

     Yes, I really DID just write a whole post about cereal. I’m a foodie….. bitch..

   Enjoy your weekend,
    Peace and Love, Nick

   (Yes, I realized I said “redux” I LOVE the way it sounds!)

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Comments
12 Responses to “My Ode to Cereal. . . Redux”
  1. DG says:

    Good post girl…I’m with you on this…I can eat cereal morning, noon, or nite…it’s an all-purpose, anytime, anyplace kind of food. The ones that carried me thru childhood/adolescence were Fruity Pebbles, Honeycomb, Frosted Flakes, and Captain Crunch. Now that I’m older, I try to monitor the sugar intake, so it’s mostly Honey Nut Cheerios and Cranberry Nut Crunch.
    Oh, and yeah…eating Captain Crunch was like putting a samurai in your mouth: cuts and slashes for days…

    • nicknotnikki says:

      Did I buy a box of Cap’n Crunch today? Yes I did..
      I had to eat it very carefully..
      I watch my sugar intake too.. But that Strawberry Yogurt Cheerios goes HARD!!
      Cranberry Nut Crunch is a good one too.. But I go through phases with that one..

  2. Wu Young says:

    Good post.

    Does anyone remember Big Mixx? It was a made by Kellogs and was basically a mixture of various cereals… It was Barney Stinson awesome.

    Frosted Flakes is my favorite of all time. Something about is just so right.

    I like plan Corn Flakes which I think is kind of weird. I also fux with Cheerios in any form… Hungry now.

  3. P. says:

    HONEY NUT CORN FLAKES?!?!?!

    Cereal was all we had to eat when I was growing up; if it was made, I tried it. But Honey Nut Corn Flakes? Honey Nut Cheerios are obviously the GOAT. I love Corn Flakes. How am I just now hearing about this? And now they’re discontinued?

    And yes, I’m actually as upset about this as I seem to be. I feel like a part of my childhood was a lie because I’ll never have them. This ish just ruined my month.

    • nicknotnikki says:

      LMAO!!!
      If I tell you they were THEE BEST!! it was like a “not so sweet” version of the Frosted flake.. but better than plain flakes.. I was SO ANGRY when they discontinued it.. We bought the honey one and everyone in the house had that “they ruined my life” look on their face..
      I’m sorry you missed it.. I cannot even begin to explain…

  4. Capricorn says:

    I have found a kindred spirit!

    Cinnamon Toast Cruch
    Cocoa Krispies
    Cocoa Puffs
    Cap’n Crunch (plain and with berries)
    Trix
    Kix

  5. I was a Raisin Bran and Golden Graham guy growing up with an occasional cameo from Frosted Flakes. Golden Grahams are great dry. It is what is eaten on Mount Olympus and Asgard by the Gods.

  6. Karolina says:

    http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=3854820637

    Sooo I’m going to say that Fruity Pebbles and Froot Loops were my drugs of choice when I was a kid. I still have a weak spot for them. To the point that whenever I have a some Earl Grey with milk it reminds me of Froot Loops and then I must have some. I too must admit that I can eat cereal dry any time of day.

    Love Cap’n Crunch but he’s seriously a killer when it comes to cutting up your cheeks.

    ahhhhh now I have to go have some cereal… thanks 🙂

  7. BP says:

    I love Cap’N Crunch but haven’t eaten it in forever. I remember when I was a kid there use to be a peanut butter flavored Cap’N Crunch and I hated it which is odd because I lovelovelovelovelovelove peanut butter.

  8. Honey Nut Cheerios, Raisin Bran, and Cinnamon Toast Crunch are my trinity. Raisin Bran = formal, Honey Nut Cheerios = business casual, Cinnamon Toast Crunch = just wearing a thong.

    And I was pissed off at Rice Krispies as a kid. I’d put the whole damn bowl up to my ear like a re-tard cause they always advertised the “snap-crackle-pop” it made. That crap was barely audible. I tried to put more milk in there thinking it would make a louder noise smh. Curse you, Rice Krispies.

  9. keisha brown says:

    my mom once saw a dateline kind of program, where rats were offered fruit loops. they opted to eat the box instead. so ever since that, my house NEVER got those kinds of cereals. alas.

    frosted flakes
    capt crunch – eat fast though!
    rice krispies – add sugar! lol

    what i love now
    corn pops
    honey nut cheerios (did you know there aren’t nuts in that $#it?
    crispix.

  10. Cheekie says:

    Yeah, so as ya know I have a thang with sogginess so the only cereal I truly effs with (in combo with milk) is granola. I eat the more “fun” cereals dry. 🙂

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