A Post Inspired by Most.. (And SBM)

    I’m not gonna do some celebratory thingie about this being my 50th post. What I did think was, “DAMN!” When on earth did I find 50 things to write about? Come check me on my 100th post though, it’ll be a celebration BITCHES!  (oh yes I did)

     There was a post on SBM yesterday about chivalry. It was written by Streetz, a writer that I respect on a minute level (can’t gas him up too much) The comments started to get into what was chivalry and what was manners. There was even some definitions. It made for an interesting read.

   Then MIMITW (Most interesting man in the world) hit me with something, he wrote:

       “If you’re with someone you care about… or… someone you’re hoping to care about in the future, why wouldn’t you treat them like a queen? I don’t understand that.”

     Now, treating someone like a queen does NOT apply to me. However, the rest of the comment did. It led me to ponder some things.

   I remember when I was taking Bible classes at my church and we got to the section on marriage. There were a number of women in that class that were quick to pipe up with the “UH UH!! I’m not letting a man tell me what to do!” This, of course was accompanied by much neck rolling and finger waving (much to my annoyance). I sat there, listening to these women that were older than I was telling me all the things that they wouldn’t do.


   My problem with this is a minor one. (maybe it’s major) I know that we’re all runnin around nowadays saying how independent we are. There’s vibrators for that “itch,” sperm banks for that “other itch” and everything in between. I can’t deny that sometimes men are more trouble than they’re worth (and I’m sure that they would say the same thing about us) my problem is this:

    If your man was loving you the way that you wanted to be loved, then why is doing for him such a hot topic? What’s the reason for the “hell nah!?” I’m not talking about the “cater to you” type of doing for him, but suppose I am? We’re so busy running around saying all the things that we won’t do without realizing that for the right person, you’ll want to.

    I’ll share a story: In 2008 I was dealing with this great guy. It was the first time that I’d realized what it was like to be “treated like a lady”. I’d never had that before, didn’t know what it felt like. I wasn’t working, yet like clockwork every evening, he would call me to ask what I wanted for dinner. Sometimes, he would come home and cook dinner  but because he goes to bed early and I don’t, he would promptly fall asleep after 1/2 hour of ps3. I hate doing dishes, but because I cared for this guy, I would clear the plates, do the dishes, pack his lunch for the next day and wake him back up when I’d served out the ice cream.  Not because I wanted to (most of the time) but because I cared, and I wanted to make his life a little easier. I am not making this story up.

    My pastor says that the definition of love is a seeking the highest good for another person.  For the moment, this guy cared about me and made me happy. While I sat in my Bible class and listened to these women cling so tightly to their independence (and solidify their singlehood) I sat back and said to myself, “I can’t wait for that one to find you. You won’t be screaming that for long.” If a guy can be around me several times a week, not retreat into a corner when my hormones hit “high,” AND lay great pipe play Jeopardy with me, then why wouldn’t I want to ease his burden a little bit? Depending on the mood, that same guy would get his clothes ironed the night before because I was awake, and I knew he’d have to do it. If I wasn’t sure what he was going to wear, I’d iron several things so that he had a choice (I’m all about options)

    I just wish women would “calm down” a little bit. I’m not saying that men are totally blameless here. But is it possible that we’re so quick to go the “Independent Woman” route that we don’t take the time to sit back and realize that we’ve probably been treating losers like kings without wondering if they were worth it? I know I did it. We’ve all been stupid a time or two. Even though that guy and I didn’t work out, I don’t regret anything I did for him because he was worth it. He earned my doing his laundry, and those that know me know that everything with me is earned. To this day, we still talk. Although not as much, because the pipe game was serious, and I’m tryin to be “off that.” (but I digress)

   This isn’t a “black woman” or “white woman” conversation. This is just a “woman” conversation. I love my gender, even though I am harsh on you. Product of my upbringing I suppose. Your independence isn’t threatened by being “that girl.” I’ll give you an update though, that guy I was dealing with lost his job, and I got a gig. He then ironed my clothes when I would fall asleep on the couch. I was the one that would fall asleep while he played playstation (but he’d wake me up for the good parts) I often say that friends don’t keep score. I don’t do the “you had it last time, I get it this time” game. “He only gave $4 towards the pizza, so I’m only giving 3.50.” role. Dare I say that relationships can be the same way? Just give, and hope it’s appreciated.

     Only for someone that’s worth it..

    Peace and Love, Nick

12 Responses to “A Post Inspired by Most.. (And SBM)”
  1. ID says:

    I am so happy to hear that being exposed to “those” types had a positive effect on you. Though I think that the world needs those kind of women because you guys outnumber us 6 to 1 in the global population so 5 women out of 6 need to accept single life(or polygamy) anyway! LOL

  2. So Flyy says:

    making my blogosphere rounds…

    *applause* this is a good post ‘NicknotNikki’. I often wondered abt the women who are so quick to say what they are not doing and refuse to do. I know I’m capable of a catering to my man level yet to be discovered… Just waiting for someone to earn it. #shrugs

  3. LaBakir says:

    Great post Nickle!

    ” that we don’t take the time to sit back and realize that we’ve probably been treating losers like kings without wondering if they were worth it?”

    ^THIS is truth! I’m guilty as charged. Treating a jerk, like a king…and it wasn’t reciprocated. Then it was like I’d try even harder to get something back from him.

    *sighs* glad I’m past that.

    I don’t rattle off a list of things I won’t do, but I rattle off a list of the type of guy I WON’T do it for.

  4. “We’re so busy running around saying all the things that we won’t do without realizing that for the right person, you’ll want to.”

    Great post, Nick. I know some of those same women, single and married. The single women saying what they won’t do, and the married women saying what they don’t do, and all acting as if that attitude is something to cheer and applaud. Personally, I’m looking forward to being able to treat my like the king and leader I expect him to be. Some women want so much, but they give so little.

  5. I agree with this entire post. If I have a man that I consider worth it please believe that I will go out of my way to make him happy and if that includes cooking dinner (or well attempting in my case) I’ll do it. Not because I’m expecting tit for tat with my man but I believe when you truly love someone you don’t even notice that you’re doing and you’re not keeping score. It’ll even out.

    plus- If i’m a boss wearing the pants at work I want to come home put on my dress and be a housewife.

  6. Streetz says:

    This is a great perspective Nick. You hit the nail on the head. Pride is a muthafuka you know!

  7. Cheekie says:

    “We’re so busy running around saying all the things that we won’t do without realizing that for the right person, you’ll want to.”

    I’mma need for you to stop speaking so much troof up in here, Nickster. TELL THEM. What women who speak like this don’t realize is that it’s nothing weak about depending on someone else. Nothing weak about taking care of someone else. All of this is showing vulnerability. Which takes a STRONG mofo to show someone else. Because you’re left exposed. Keeping yourself closed-off by expressing such things as the women did in your story is doing more harm to building their strength than good.

  8. Starita34 says:

    “Even though that guy and I didn’t work out, I don’t regret anything I did for him because he was worth it.”

    and the church said “Amen!” And I told him so. And I’ll do it to the next man I deem worthy as well and not feel one bit “weak” for it. Love is Strong and it takes a strong person to submit. And a Smart person to submit to the RIGHT man.

    I seem to fight this fight on submission on a weekly basis…here’s something that I said once before and it still rings true, so I’ll recycle (Captain Planet worked for me):
    “…we are still a TEAM. He is the head, I’m the helpmate. This does not make my position unimportant or make me weak, it’s simply a different role. He is the quarterback, I’m the wide receiver. He is the pitcher, I am the catcher (||). He is driving the car, I’ve got the map. If one of us fails we both fail; when one of us succeeds, we both succeed. Man and wife are one – he is the head, I am the neck. Embrace the power that your role contains and respect your man for his role, they are both necessary. In the end, when we all play our part, we all benefit and can chalk up another W for our team. Go TEAM!”

    Liked the post Nick 🙂

  9. BP says:

    This was a really great throught provoking post! I think sometimes women get lost in this whole idea of “independence”. I don’t mind cooking my dude dinner, rubbing his feet after a long day or picking up his dry cleaning. Because I know he would do the same in return.
    Oh and I adore your pastor’s definition of love.

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