Should I Let a Sleeping Dog Lie. .

    Because I believe that some of you folks are actually smart, I need your help with a life situation. Go get your coffee (or your warm milk if it’s nighttime) and lemme know what you think. 

   When I was in middle school I was friends with a girl named Carol, we were in a crew of four. We did a lot of stuff together, but by the time I hit the 9th grade (back then, middle school went to 9th grade) Carol and the other 3 broads decided that they hated me and we didn’t hang out anymore.

   No problem.

    Last year, through the magic (and curse) that is Facebook we went to a party thrown by mutual friends and Carol was there. After being so excited to get reacquainted, we started hanging out together. I wasn’t working, so I was pretty much free all the time. She’s a lawyer with her own practice so she set her own hours. We went out pretty much every other weekend and had a great time. There were things about her that irked me, but isn’t that everybody? However, she’s the judgemental friend. The one that prefaces everything with, “you know you’re my girl” and then uses that as an excuse to be blunt almost to the point of rude. She’ll say things like, “this is what you should do” and things of that nature.

  Earlier this year, she turned 32, a moment that made her “re-evaluate her life.” She dissolved the law practice and went into a tailspin about where she was gonna apply for school. She needed to get out of Florida because she felt that the man market was also coming up dry.

   After much deliberation, she decides that she’s moving back to Atlanta. (o_O) There’s nothing left for her in Florida, and wants to get her life started. (I can relate) She says that she’s leaving in August and since I’m not working, I should drive to Atlanta with her. “Yeah, that’ll be fun,” and we leave it at that. Since she’s leaving in August, (and we talked about this in May) we had more than enough time to plan.

  The next week, we’re on the phone and she says something like, “Yeah, I decided to leave next week. I let her talk, but because I’m more observant than most, I made the following conclusions:

   1. She’s not planning on having me go ANYWHERE with her because:

      1a. If you and I are planning a road trip, and you decided to push up the date by a couple months, shouldn’t you run it by the other person that was going with you to see if that’s ok?

  The way that she declaratively stated “I’m leaving next week Thursday” as opposed to “I wanna leave early, would you still be able to come (or some other derivative)” meant that she no longer saw me as a factor.

    Nooo Problem.

   So, she informs me that she’s going out with “the girls” to have dinner and see the Sex and the City movie and she’ll say her salutations to all of them then. The fact that I wasn’t invited to this “goodbye dinner” also spoke volumes. I’ve once again deduced that I was good enough to be that “party chick” and the “what are we doing this weekend” chick. But when she’s leaving the State then it’s no longer necessary for her to pretend that we were close anymore.

  Saturday, we’re on the phone and she’s on her way to meet with the girls. I turned to my mother and said, “I bet you I won’t see her before she leaves.” She said she’d call me back.

    We haven’t spoken since.

      I knew she had a job interview in Atlanta that Thursday and she was scheduled to leave on Tuesday. Tuesday came and went. I text her Thursday to ask if she was in Georgia.

   “I sho is!”

  I sent her a follow up text to ask how her interview went.

   No answer.

    Next Sunday, she sent me a picture text of herself with the header “remember me?”

    #waitWHAT!?

    I don’t remember what I answered, but we haven’t spoken or text each other for months. My friend recently asked me why I haven’t called her. My thought is, “if all I was was the other single chick to go out with, then all we had as a bond was going out. She’s not even in the state anymore, there’s no reason for us to talk now.”

    Not only that, but with EVERYTHING that I have going on in my life right now (which I am going to write in a future post) I am not gonna hunt down any bird that doesn’t wanna maintain a friendship with me. I’m straight. Considering that she knows what’s going on in my life and hasn’t even called to check turns the volume that it speaks to level 11 (on a system that only goes to level 10) I’m just writing off the friendship to, “one of them thangs.”

   My friend says that I should call her. I say, “negative.” I’m at a time in my life where I wonder “what do you add to my life?” before considering people to let in. Even as I typed this, I left out some of the things that she used to do/say that would drive me to want to stick a fork in my eye. I say I’m alright with letting this one lie. I’m not chasing down anyone. Especially a chick!

    But what do you think? Am I letting pride get the best of a situation. Do you think I should call her? After everything, what could there POSSIBLY be to say.*Sigh*

    Share your thoughts in the comments. . .

    Peace and Love, Nick 

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Comments
12 Responses to “Should I Let a Sleeping Dog Lie. .”
  1. Think about it this way- would you write a post like this about any of the other people you really consider your friends? no? then what makes her different? She’s not a real friend.

    You already know where you want to go with this but I sense you’re like me- it’s jus hard to cut people off. When you do get rid of deadweight you’ll notice feeling more free and you won’t even second guess yourself. She’s already shown you who she is not once, but twice. I say let it go 🙂

  2. Miss Jenkins says:

    Don’t call her unless you feel like you need to/should clear the air about the state of your friendship or lack thereof. I was in a similar situation once and after months of not talking to homegirl, I called her and stated my peace and then peaced out. Oddly enough, it made proceeding with some variation of our friendship easier later on b/c we put it all on the table.

  3. nicknotnikki says:

    @MissSunshine
    It is hard to let this one go. Not only that, but I have a habit of letting people know “I see you” when they think they’re slick and got away with something. That’s a personality flaw of mine.
    But like you said, she’s not a friend. I just hate when I think that I mean something to someone and then they “poof!” and prove to me just exactly what I was.. (super-emo but I didn’t know any other way to say it..)
    There’s a reason I keep my circle so tight. I have maybe 3 friends (not counting twitter people) and that’s about it..

    @MsJenkins
    If I did call her, it would be to just “air a grievance.” I don’t wish to salvage any type of relationship as she’s already shown me who she is. I’m thinking that if we were so close in middle school, then we would’ve maintained a friendship like she did with other people. The only hesitation I have is that when she’s in town to visit, we might run into each other because our circles of acquaintances are so close.. UGH! and I hate when people pretend like everything’s ok, as she’s bound to do.. and as past people have done to me.. (see “Pullin a Casper” post)
    Thank you for commenting!

  4. If one of my boys presented a scenario to me like this my advice would be one sentence, and composed of only for words: “F*ck dat h*e man.”

    I would not have to add that he or she obviously does not dig your fellowship brethren/sisteren. So do not sweat it and what not.

  5. max says:

    I wouldn’t even bother calling. This bish is not your friend, and given that she’s such an asshat I doubt that telling her about her parts will have the desired effect. Life is short and mental energy is too precious to waste on people who aren’t checking for you…and this broad certainly is not.

  6. LaBakir says:

    Don’t bother calling. Doesn’t sound like you guys were that tight to begin with. Let it go. As you said, she’s judgmental and doesn’t had anything to your life. Who needs people like that?

  7. Capricorn says:

    You’ve vented to us, so I say let it go. Poof, be gone. Like Max said, that bish AINT your friend, so you’ve lost nothing. 🙂

  8. sanen85 says:

    Like Little Miss Sunshine, I can see that you already kinda know where you’re falling on this one. Do not waste your time, especially considering that’ll just leave the door open for her to pull the same type of stuff in the future.

  9. I think your actions(Or lack of them)were absolutely RIGHT!
    In fact, I think you should have executed the friendship(Or what ever it was) sooner.

    It was obvious that she didn’t really value you as a friend; and the fact that she ignored you only reinforced that she felt that way.

    Do NOT call her!

    Your pride is not in any way consuming the situation, in fact, I think It will make it easier for you to keep moving forward.

  10. Jemsstar says:

    I understand why you want to call her, I have that same personality flaw to call people on their BS. IMHO, when she called you to tell you she was leaving early, and when she called to tell you that she was saying goodbye to her other ‘FRIENDS’, I would have said something then. I don’t think anything would have been able to hold me back from that.

    In any case, she doesn’t care about your feelings, and that is what probably what hurts. I kind of feel like at this point you kind of have two choices, call her and call her out on her BS, that way if she visits town and you run into her because of your mutual friends, she knows not to approach you and pretend like you guys are long lost friends.

    Or you can just let it go, and if you do run into her, just ignore her, people like that know exactly why you choose not to mess with them anymore.

  11. I have the same tendency to call folks out on their b*llsh*t, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve made less time for such declarations. I say, be done with her a$$. In other words, continue what you’re doing. She isn’t dumb. Deep down she knows that she is unworthy of your friendship because a) she is manipulative and b) she lacks compassion and c) she’s a narcissist. My guess is the only reason you’re are even slightly second-guessing yourself is because you guys have a past. And I’m a sucker for my childhood friends, even when they suck.

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