Really. . . it’s just hair!

       I’m not gonna B.S. you, this is a rant post. I’ve been roaming these nets for a while now. And even though my girl Max will tell you that I just got gmail (which is true) I’ve been engaging in conversations for a while. I love blogs (when done right) and interacting with different people from all over these States that are United (and some that aren’t). Discussions that allow for different thoughts and opinions rock my socks.

   However, in the past couple of weeks, I’ve been involved in too many conversations about hair. Yeah, you read that right, HAIR! If you wanna see your lurkers pop out and say hello like Groundhog Phil, then mention “hair.” It doesn’t matter if you wear it natural, relaxed, or courtesy of Yaki #2578645 there is someone that will have something to say about hair. And my thought is, “Who the hell cares?”

   There was recently some outrage over Jill Scott wearing her hair straightened. It seems like a lot of natural haired sistas got all hot and heated. My response is, “Why do you care?” Was Jill Scott elected “President and also a client” of this club? Why is it such a big deal that she decided to wear her hair a different way? Did she not consult everyone’s feelings or send out a poll before she decided to switch? I’m sure after the outcry, she’ll remember to consider everyone’s feelings next time. (Insert eye-roll here) If you could help me understand, then I would welcome it. I just ask that it make sense.

    Last week on one of my favorite blogs, someone asked a question. It seemed like she’d started wearing her hair natural and was wondering how men felt about it. Really? Is this what we’re doing now? I didn’t know that one man’s opinion could speak for the whole gender. I’ve seen everything from black men saying that they don’t care about weave to others saying that they like curly/kinky hair. Everyone likes something different. Although women will scream that there’s a shortage of men (that’s all over, honey) are we REALLY at the point where we’re so caught up trying to figure out why that we’ve come up with nothing other than hair?! Really, HAIR!?

 “Oh, he likes em natural, THAT’S why he didn’t ask for my number.”

   Can we just agree that people like what they like, and let’s leave it at that?

   However, to the men that don’t mind a woman with a certain type of hair, I do NOT want to have another conversation about head scarves. If you’re not willing to purchase a satin pillow case, then deal with it. It’s like you want to go to bed with Whitley (Different World, for the people!) and not remember that there might be a little bit of that scary scene from the first season where they were all in head scarves studying for the midterms (finals?). But for those of you that don’t remember that scene, you can see something like it here (start at 1:33, I’ll wait)

   *crosses arms and taps foot*

   Don’t get me wrong, I don’t always wear scarves to bed but that’s my personal preference. If I’m sharing my bedspace with someone, I like to “up” the possibility of midnight activities and my head in a scarf does not make me feel attractive. But that’s just my stance on it. If I was dealing with some of the men whose opinions I’ve been reading lately, I would honestly say, “you have a choice. You cannot hate my headscarf and want my hair to take 10 minutes to put together in the morning. Figure it out and get back to me.” But then again, I’m just fiesty like that. I haven’t run across this issue a lot in my adult life, and perhaps that’s my luck. I don’t wear weave, but I cannot imagine my life if I had to wrap it up like Miyammi (scroll the page) had to do on Flavor of Love everytime she went near water. (Don’t you dare judge me)

   It’s annoying. Honestly, I’m tired of talking about hair. Some men don’t mind, others do. The same way that some women don’t mind if a man has kids by 15 women, I do. Just suck it up and move it forward. I don’t wear my hair for anyone but me. I understand when said hair gets in the way of life and your chick can’t get to the party on time because her hair didn’t wave right, but honestly, if you want honey to look her best, then saddown and wait. Or get a low maintenance woman. Or start telling her creative times to ensure that she’s ready on time. So many options and the choice is yours.

   But please, I don’t want to talk about hair anymore. And no, you can’t pull mine. Unless. . .

     Nah, I don’t know ya’ll like that, you can’t pull mine.

   I have no questions other than “Are you as sick of talking about hair as I am?” Should men’s opinions really become a factor in how women wear their hair? Because I just can’t subscribe to that train of thought.

   Hair? Really?! iCantDeal      

   Peace and Love, Nick

10 Responses to “Really. . . it’s just hair!”
  1. efu says:


  2. Yes, I am tired of hair convos. Women’s hair is on the list of “Things I have to try to care about and thusly don’t” . I love women but I’m meh about their hair. Similar to what Dash said about Kanye last week on VSB, I pay it no mind.

    If a woman is cinfident to pull off a hair style like Jilly from Philly the God Bless her. Just a man’s opinion.

  3. MsEsquire77 says:

    Oh, Nickerz! I totally agree with you but the hair conversation will continue until the end of time. It’s one of the silly quirks of Black folks that will never die.

    In the past 10 years I’ve worn braids, rocked a natural (in various lengths), had a relaxer (various lengths) and had highlights (once in gold, once in red). Never once did I stop to think, “Will men want me?”. It’s. Not. That. Serious!!

    It’s my hair and I do with it what I will. If folks don’t like it they can stop looking at me and kick every rock in a 5 mile vacinity.

  4. I’m through with hair convos.

    I’m not going to ask women what kind of facial hair they prefer cause it won’t change how I want to wear mine. Women, wear your hair however you please. It’s your choice. Men, like/don’t like whatever hair you please. It’s your choice.


  5. max says:

    Like Shonnerz said, talking about hair is what black folks do. It’s a cultural thing and I kind of dig that.

    That said, I cannot rate a woman who makes her hair choices based on the opinion of men. That is just effing stupid.

    I had a dude once who – right before we were about to board the secksy train – would order me to put on my head scarf. If I complained about not feeling sexy in it he would say “I already know you look hot without it. We’re good”. He’d make me put it on because all the good D in the world isn’t worth the added stress I’m putting on my hair by having to do a post-chex repair. He also used to oil my scalp for me.

    Personally, I need a man to care a little bit about my hair. It’s a big deal and it dictates a lot in the world of max. You don’t have to necessarily participate in the upkeep like that dude did, but you have to get that it matters.

    • “Personally, I need a man to care a little bit about my hair. It’s a big deal and it dictates a lot in the world of max. You don’t have to necessarily participate in the upkeep like that dude did, but you have to get that it matters.”

      i agree to some degree. i dislike hearing men say “hair isnt that serious” when they dont even want to admit that the history of black hair is painful and affecting women every day. i put a lot of work into my hair so that it looks good (to me mainly, and to a small degree others as well) and so that i feel good. i want him to get that.

  6. i wrote 2 posts on hair last month. it can be an exhausting topic but i think its necessary to talk about it. some ppl are clueless about the intricacies of black hair politics. and more often than not, black women are insecure about some aspect of their black beauty–hair is no exception. some women change their body type because they want to feel attractive by men. its the same with hair. insecure women feel they need validation from the opposite sex. sadly, we as women aren’t doing enough to uplift each other and the differences of our beauty (see outrage @ jill scott’s new hairdo *smmfh*) to show each other its ok to “do you boo”. and men are so damn clueless they dont realize how they treat women based on their hair has an affect on how they view themselves too.

    its a sad cycle. and i for one am a proponent for educating the masses until we see the light.

  7. LaBakir says:

    *rolls eyes* I agree. It’s just hair. As long as it’s neat and clean, who cares?

    I was natural at one point, and got tired of it and decided to relax again.

    You would’ve thought I murdered someone. I had other natural girls look at me accusingly and call me a traitor. I relaxed and cut my hair in January. My friend who has dreads….STILL can’t get over my cut. Really?

    I like to change my hair…often. Ya’ll lucky I have the job I do, or I’d experiment more with colors as well. The man who is in my life needs to get with it. That’s me. And at the end of the day, it always looks good.

  8. Reecie says:

    I agree its just hair. and I will do with it what I please. always have.I don’t judge others for their hair choices so don’t judge me for mine. I’ve had plenty of men (and boys–back in hs) tell me they hate braids, they hate weaves, they hate short cuts etc. But guess what? my money my head, my rules. Take it or leave it. The look probably won’t last long anyway–I’ll be on to the next one soon enough.

    a man that doesn’t have an opinion on any of it and just lets me be is the ULTIMATE turn on.

  9. sanen85 says:

    I’m as sick of it as you are. That’s probably because I can’t relate to most of the discussions though 😦

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