Worthy of a side eye.. e_O
I’ll start with a story..
I once knew a guy that was single. His last relationship had left him feeling a certain way about women so he decided to lay low for a while. During this time, he evaluated the things that he wanted out of the next relationship. He also evaluated what went wrong. What on earth caused the destruction of the relationship with the woman that he thought he was going to marry? He came to me at the end of this “reflection time” and told me what he’d found out. The best one is the one that we’ll call the “fool’s guide to idiodicy” and has stayed with me for years. This fool said,
“I don’t want a woman that wants me for my money..”
And even though we were on the phone, I gave him the most ULTIMATE of side eyes. You know the one, the one where you actually pull the phone away from your ear and you look at it. Because there’s NO WAY, on God’s green planet that you heard what you just thought you did.
*Theo, that is the DUMBEST thing I’ve ever heard!*
I find that this thought runs rampant across men in my limited social circle. I don’t want to generalize and say that they’re just looking for reasons to stay emotionally unavailable, but I’ll tell you why in this instance I call my friend’s realization the biggest crock of sh*t I’ve probably ever heard..
1. He has no job.
How can a woman use you for your money when you have none? I didn’t know that pebbles were currency in his world. The “Land of Dreams and Worthlessness.” When you don’t have enough cash to get your hair cut, much less for a woman to come along and want you to pay for her Gucci purse. But that nuh mek nuh sense! (sound it out, patois for the day!)
2. He has no license, which works out because he has no car.
Now I’m not knocking those who have no cars. For a while, I didn’t either. However, in a city like Miami, not having a car will add on about 2 hours transit time to EVERY trip or errand. I understand if you live in DC or NY where the transit system is so on point that a car might be useless, but that doesn’t work here. Not only that, but I find it crazy that an American citizen would have an expired (or suspended) license for no other reason than you were irresponsible and let it lapse. That’s a no go. So when you take out this woman that’s not using you for your money (because you have none) who’s gonna drive? HER? In her car?! I think he might be scarred (hydraulically) straight out the gate.
3. He lives with mom.
That’s all I need to write. Now, I’m not knocking the situation. Hell, I live with moms. However, my mother is a bit more “on the level” when it comes to male company than his mother is.
4. He has 27 dreams, but is working on none.
I don’t think I need to stress how great ambition is. If your not having a job is a result of these economic times, then that’s one thing. If you’re working on your dream, that’s great. Hell, I’m working on my dream (even though I post late). But the keyword here is “working:” He has his dreams out there. But I’m beginning to suspect that he only has them to justify why his days are spent doing nothing. If you ask him what he wants to do with his life, he’ll tell you about all the plans, and want you to support him. BUT if you go a week and ask him what else he’s done, the response is met with crickets chirping and owls hooting.
We can all see that homeboy is lined up for success in the relationship department. And the truth of the matter is that this dude is like Kramer. Once he realizes that he wants a job, he just falls ass backwards into one. When he starts talking about getting a car, his family will help him because they love to believe that he’s just gonna get it together this time. I have a talent for telling the truth in a way that will be receptive considering the audience. HOWEVER, I couldn’t do it with him. I told him, “all these things are fine when you’re in your 20’s, full of ideas and hope for the future. But you’re going on 30! Yet you want a woman of worth and bring absolutely nothing to the table. Someone can only want you for your money if you’re giving it to them. These black women have entered an era where they DON’T play! You’ll be lucky if she doesn’t want to see your stock portfolio before you take her out in her car.”
I’ve reached my limit with this dude (we haven’t spoken in a while). I spoke to someone over the weekend and he concurred with me that there’s a very specific attitude toward men down here in Florida. It’s a very, “you’re lucky I looked at you” type of attitude. I always say this, but it IS like the Rick Rosses want the Stacey Dashes. The only difference is that Rick Ross HAS something that he’s bringing to the table. And it’s something more than telling everyone that he thinks he’s Big Meech, Larry Hoover. (how many times can you say that in one song?)
Was I too hard on him? Do you have a friend (or foe) that sees their life through rose-colored glasses? How would you have addressed him? It’s no secret that I’m trying to become a little bit softer. But honestly, I’m 31 (32 on Saturday, write it down) I ain’t got that kinda time. You can praise me or flog me in the comments…
Update: Casper called me again on Friday. I looked at the phone.. “Uh uh!” Fool me once, shame on me.. Fool me twice and I load the gun!