Facebook… Me and You behind the bleachers.. 3 o’clock..

Bish, I wanna pour hot grease on you..
   This social media network thing is a big deal. I remember when facebook became big. It wasn’t just for college students anymore. It was more “grown-up” than myspace. “Alright alright!” I went along. While I admit that it IS more grown up than myspace (an account I’ve deleted) I must admit that 2 years later I’m in a serious case of “hate” with facebook. My trips to the site have been narrowed down to almost nothing and every time I log in, there’s a different reason to roll my eyes.. Eff a Facebook, and I’ll tell you why.
1. They stay changing the layout. 
    Facebook acts like it’s got multiple personality disorder. It doesn’t know which layout it wants to be on any given day. Now, I’ll admit that they’ve been at this current one for a while. But honestly, they keep thinking that they know what works best and they don’t. I bet you the people that started facebook don’t even use facebook. They just sit back and tweet all day about how fabulous facebook is. (I BET YOU!) And then when they DO change the layout, no matter how minor it is there’s 27 different fan pages that pop up talkin bout “bring back the old layout.” Lord have mercy. iCant.
2. People posting on my wall.
    This has gone beyond the realm of “Hey Nick, what’s up?” or “Give me a call.” Now people start posting all sorts of personal stuff. While I understand that it was great seeing me the other day, send me a message or something. Everyone else doesn’t need to know that we got together (and no, I’m not trying to hide my dirt. I don’t do dirt.) I’m an open person, I’ll tell you whatever you want to know. I don’t need Christina knowing that I went to the All-White Party with Tanya, knowing full well that Katy invited me to the “Pimps up, Hoes Down party on the same night.” Not only that, but because Facebook switched the layout (AGAIN!) then I’m not sure how to access my security settings to keep non-friends from seeing that I went to a party, period! It’s too much. It’s like Facebook is secretly working with my mother (and ex boyfriend) to be able to pinpoint where I am at any particular moment. Keep that sh*t to yourself.
3. They let any ole body tag me in pics.
    Mind you, the pics don’t even have to be of me. Party in the 7th? Tag Nick in the flyer. BISH, are you givin me a cut from the money at the door? No? Then don’t do that. I had a friend that went through this phase of posting the “Hot Chocolate of the Day.” Almost nekkid pics of black men. My Youth Pastor is my friend on facebook, DON’T do that junk! This random nekkid pic shows up in other people’s feeds and it had nothing to do with me. Then I gotta go in and un-tag myself. Promoters wanna toss up pics of Nick at the All-White party? Go right ahead. It doesn’t matter that it was at the end of the night and I got the “tired face” on. No one is asking me if they can, they just DO. Don’t try and make it look like yo wack ass party was jumpin when YOU know and I know that it wasn’t. Stop it!
4. I end up seeing crap I don’t wanna see.
    Last year, I went through some withdrawal from this guy that I was head over heels for. I didn’t want to see anything from him, so I “hid” him from my news feed. I didn’t wanna read that he’d gone to NY and all his groupie broads were wishing him a good time. That was fine, but then mutual friends of ours would say crap to him and I’d have to hide them too. It’s like I needed to go down the list of anyone that might have ANY interaction with him and hide them from my news feed too. COME ON!! The newest casualty of the “hide” button is the promoter of the party that he last went to. Because he was at the “Shorts and Stilettos” party and the promoter tossed up the pics. I don’t wanna see that crap. Do I really need to see your comment status and the 50-lem hoes that say something like “you look lickable in your profile pic?” Do I really have to un-friend you to keep my sanity at bay? Sorry sweetie, I ain’t got that kinda time. (But I’ll MAKE it!)
5. They STAY suggestin people.
   I can’t tell you how long my ex-boyfriend has been in the top corner of my Facebook page. GET THE MEMO!! I don’t wanna be his friend, nuffsaid. After more than a year of popping up with the same friend suggestions, you would think that they’d get the hint and not suggest that person anymore. And JUST because I went to school with so-and-so doesn’t mean I wanna play “catch up” with them now. I graduated high school 14 years ago, (Lord have mercy) and I barely wanted to know them then. Matter of fact, JUST to be contrary I’m not going to listen to ANY of your suggestions and just log in to Facebook just to clear my inbox. How bout that, are you HAPPY!? 
6. They let any ole body join.
    No Aunt Rose, as much love as I have for you I cannot accept you as my friend. I know you just wanna check up on your daughter through my page anyway. Thank GOD my mother doesn’t even know how to work a Facebook.
7. Mafia Wars, Farmville, Sorority Life etc.
   I know that I should just slap up a “Nuffsaid” after that because EVERYONE with a Facebook knows what I’m talking about. But I’m tired of the little black sheep you found. I don’t wanna hear about the new level you got to on Mafia Wars. No, unless the hybrid is real I don’t care that you just gave me on in Sorority Life. this goes for the drinks, teddy bears, roses, hugs, and various other things that you’re sending me. This junk isn’t personable (and I’m ALL about being personable.) Not only that, but ya’ll will flood my Facebook wall with Happy Birthday wishes and think you did your duty for the day. I don’t check that ish like that! This is what we’re doing now? Get thee away from me with that!
    I had another reason, but I think I’m gonna hand ya’ll the mic. I’m contemplating a discontinuing of the whole Facebook thing. I’m worried that they’ll still send me email notices like Myspace (that I deleted over a year ago) so I think I keep them around to make the email flood seem valid. (If that makes sense) UGH!  Checking it has become ONE MORE thing on my to do list that I cross off maybe twice a week. (IF it’s lucky) I’m tired of it. It’s becoming more trouble than it’s worth. The only upside was Bejeweled Blitz and my computer is so slow that I can’t even play THAT and hope for a high score. So what’s the point? 
   Are any of you on Facebook? Does it still serve it’s purpose? Have you REALLY gone to that little reunion at the bowling alley that your friends from high school keep saying ya’ll should have? If you’re not on Facebook, why aren’t you? Don’t you wanna cross, “poppin up on Nick’s friend suggestions” off your bucket list? I think you should. 

   Speak your piece…

5 Responses to “Facebook… Me and You behind the bleachers.. 3 o’clock..”
  1. Facebook is still the best way to keep in touch and organize a huge group of people, assuming that you even want to keep in touch with them. The site just became way too congested with all the extra stuff they put in it.#7 was the biggest reason why facebook annoyed me. Every 10 min I'd get a new invite to play Mafia Wars or Farmville. Farmville? You mean I grow produce and have livestock? That's a game people want to play?? No. *delete*The other huge reason that Facebook annoys me are the barrage of promoters that use it like the sidewalk outside the club. I always get a new invite to "SEX IN THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM: PART 2! HOSTED BY DJ NEVER-HEARD-OF-YOU! IT'S GONNA BE CRAZY!!" No. *delete*And now they got fake accounts trying to save people as friends. I knew something fishy was going on when all these women with bikinis on in their profile pics wanted to be friends. My profile pic ain't THAT sexy. I even got a message from one talmbout "save me as a friend on Yahoo Messenger so we can chat. ["her" email address]" She even used my name in the message to make her seem more real. Clever girl (c) Jurassic Park. But…..no. *delete*

  2. SaneN85 says:

    The promoters are what are doing me in. Also, I'm just gonna go ahead and assume my terrible picture on Facebook was the inspiration for this post. I'll expect the royalty check in the mail, right alongside the ankle bracelet. 🙂

  3. Cheekie says:

    Yeah number 7 is the worst thing about Facebook right now for me actually. SPAM city.I have Facebook and other than keeping up with folks and exchanging witty banter, it ain't that big of a deal to me. The promoters have started to get on my nerves but the main ones that do it? Are folks I see all the time so…yeah. lolThe suggestion feature is a TRIP because it STAY suggestion that I "catch up" with my sister. MY EFFING SISTER. Facebook, folks still interact in real life, ya know. OMG, they are some clowns.Another thing I hate about Facebook is the stupid middle names. Whoever started this is right after Hitler in terms of who is going to hell. "Vonquashinay WackaFlockaSwagPRAISEHIMTHELORD Jackson" or "Tyreekone BigMeechKillaPimp Andrews". STOP.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Although I'm not on facebook. I've seen it enough to understand the hilarity in what you wrote. Very humorous. -SoBo

  5. keisha brown says:

    i'm always late to trends.. i joined myspace late..and by the time i figured out how to make it pretty, people were onto facebook. (the same thing happened for hi5). i've been on twitter a month (and had a friend get angry when i told him i'd never tweet personally, only professionally..yeah..im eating those words.)it took a campaign (always the same people, 1 of which is my best friend whom i talk to on a reg) to eventually cave. and was slow to adapt, but eventually was able to plan a hs reunion, share pics without having to email them personally (or worse, print multiple copies and never seeing the money), plan events (does anyone use evite anymore?). there are definite pros and cons (you listed plenty of them), but i've made a lot of friends and networking via it.

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