I’m not sexy……

 “He called me ‘sexy’. Sexy is the thing I try to get them to see me as after I win them over with my personality.. smart? yes. Maybe even cute, but sexy?” -Miranda (Sex and the City)
  It’s not a secret that I’m a tomboy. We all know this, so let’s not act surprised. I went to the race track with my father, owned a skateboard, and dug up dirt in the backyard. It’s something that I accept. When I was 18, I sat on the corner with the fellas, drank St. Ides and smoked Black and Milds (mmm) and I’m fine with that. There’s some benefits to being a tomboy. (which I’ll probably discuss in a later post) but the benefits aren’t what I wish to discuss today. There’s one major drawback..
  I’m not sexy…
   Now, before we start to examine this, let me say this is NOT me fishing. This is a post derived from the post-it on my desk with the above quote on it. I wrote it down because it captured everything I’ve ever felt about the way I am.
   In my teens, I didn’t have a problem fetching members of the opposite sex. I think back then it might’ve been considered “adorable” to be dating the girl that carried the Jansport backpack with the Nike shorts. The thing is that I’m almost 32. In this age where Rick Ross videos reign supreme, I’m realizing that not only will I never Be Stacey Dash (and that’s fine) but I figure that I will not be the woman that the guys talk about when they’re taking breaks in between the 3-on-3. 
   I’m beginning to wonder if I will always be that “cool chick.” I’m the one that they’ll invite over to play ps3 with. We’ll watch football games and spend a Sunday changing the brakes. I’ll assemble a bookcase and go under the sink to drain a pipe. Will I be the wife that dresses in lingerie without looking silly? Probably not. And for DAMN SURE I’m not twirling around a pole. Trust me when I say that my husband will just end up laughing, and I’m such a klutz that something will probably end up broken. My head, My spine, My spirit? All are up for grabs.
  Men Say that they want a smart woman, but let’s be real, when a guy walks up to a woman it’s not because she looks like she’s smart. It’s because there’s a certain thing that drew him to her. And I didn’t take a poll or anything, but I can fathom a guess that it wasn’t because it looked like she could give him some competition in Jeopardy. I don’t bat lashes that were fixed with glue. I REALLY don’t have my hair coiffed like I’m coming from the “Magnificent” video shoot. And I’m beginning to wonder if this will somehow be my downfall.
   Yeah yeah, I know “someone will love you for you.” and “God has your perfect person.” I love cliche’s (can’t you tell?) but I’m wondering if the product of this environment has men looking for  Unicorns among Arabians.*
    When I try to be sexy there’s usually some consequences that involve me embarrassed in some way, so I stopped doing it. I’m just realizing that my current locale (S. Florida) doesn’t suit me so well. Men are not known for looking past the surface and trying to see what’s understated. The beauty that’s not blatantly pushed up does not get the guy. We would all like to believe that we’re evolving, but I don’t find it to be the case. I’ll shove a disclaimer in here and say that Miami/Ft. Lauderdale might be a different look in comparison to the rest of the nation. I dare say, not by much.
   The brainy comic will keep you laughing. Unfortunately, it’s on the telephone after you called her to talk about why she didn’t call. This isn’t so much a comical post as an introspective one. I’m wondering if I just so happened to be born a few decades too late. I’m sure there’s more I can write, but I’ll just end this….
  Is sexy overrated? And yes, I know that confidence is sexy, that’s not the type of sexy that I mean. In a world of acrylic, do you find yourself a brand of cashmere left unappreciated? Men, am I totally off? Is this just a byproduct of too many videos? That “Cheekietopia”*  isn’t looking so bad right now..

* Arabians are a breed of horse, known for their beauty 
* An island made up by @pinchmycheekie. it’s inhabitants are smart and beautiful.. and real…

12 Responses to “I’m not sexy……”
  1. Sukez says:

    *sigh* "sexy" honestly it took me a few years to understand this word. And I don't think I do anymore. One thing that stuck out to me: guys definitely won't approach a girl because he's thinking, "Damn! She looks smart as hell!" -___-With that said, I don't know if I'm what they call "sexy". I mean, I'll definitely stand in front of my mirror cheeks out and think to myself, "Am I hot? Am I cute? Am I sexy?" then stop, hands on waist and go "Hmmm". Then just give up. Cuz I don't know what the hell people want anymore. And kudos on the tomboy thing. I still go through my phases when basketball shorts/sweatpants with a T-shirt is hot to me. Throw on my Northface bookbag, iPod bumping to some hard music, sit on the bus with my legs open. But I miss those days. i<3u Nick. Great post. Now I'm thinking 🙂 (which is a good and bad thing lol)

  2. PoetikSoul27 says:

    I think men look for sex appeal in a woman rather than just the "sexy," if you know what I mean. Yes, Miami tends to produce an unbelievably profound number of these basic fishers, but every once in a while you fall upon a decent guy. And I truly believe the reason you're able to attract that particular fellow while wearing basketball shorts and changing a tire (LoL) is because he can sense the aura of your femininity. You're oozing sex appeal even when you don't feel it. That appeal exudes from you as a result of what's taking place on the "inside"–your confidence, your smarts, your wit, your ambitions and passions. Sometimes I think men have this innate talent to detect this in a woman. And in essence, it's not about the outward sexy, but the inner qualities that translate into something undeniably and irresistibly appealing. The end. 🙂

  3. MsEsquire77 says:

    Nick, you may not be sexy in the Barbie doll/video vixen way but you are still sexy!! You're a naturally gorgeous woman so no matter what you wear your sexiness shines through.Not to boast but I'm sexy without trying and I wish I could get rid of some of it. I'm pretty low maintainence with clothes, shoes, make-up but there's something about me that my friends say "oozes sex". It's a gift and a curse. Sure men approach me but usually it's in a purely sexual way that's gross and predatory…ugh and yuck.I'm going to keep being me and you should keep being you. We are exceptional just as we are. Men who don't understand, appreciate and adore/cherish us are certifiable and probably need psychotropic meds.

  4. max says:

    I feel the same way Nickerz. I mean – I think I have a healthy perception of my own attractiveness, but I want to ooze sex like MsEsquire and I have finally come to recognize that I just don't. Which is not to say that I'm not sexy in my own way, but it's not the way I want to be. It's kind of like I'm Sanaa Lathan when I want to be Stacy Dash. Sigh. Could be worse I guess…

  5. ComicBookGuy says:

    Um, sorry, hate to tell you this, but you are sexy, my dear. Much like beauty, sexy is the eye of the beholder. There are men out there that appreciate all of the things you just mentioned that make you who you are. There is nothing wrong with being a tomboy. Whether they know it or not, a man would love to have a woman challenge them in Jeopardy and can run off football stats like they do, and be more than "just friends" with that woman.You are unique and a real man looks for a unique woman, a woman that isn't like these other chicks out here. You stay being yourself and loving yourself because a real man is drawn to a truly confident woman that loves truly loves and accepts herself. That adds to a woman's aura and can attract the right man for you. Stay playing PS3, watching football, and being funny. What one man may not find sexy about you may be the one thing a man needs to know about you that will have him giving you flowers out of the blue just because he was thinking about you.

  6. SaneN85 says:

    I've seen more than a few comments on the interwebz about your sexy, girl. Those comments have been in regards to the picture with you out working on the car. Stop lying, you know you're sexy.I am also another tomboy (speaking of, a 3rd basemen tackled me yesterday and I'm a tiny bit sore (I just realized 3rd basemen love to hit me)). I used to feel the same way as you, but have but am constantly being reminded of my sexy from a wide variety of people. I don't entirely buy into it, but all these people can't be wrong, right? Right?!?

  7. Sukez says:

    All you women are hawt. That is all. Shush. :)Love always, Sukez the Pup ^_^

  8. Well Nick, you once again have read my mind..I swear, I find myself in conversations about this at least once a week because I've come to the conclusion that I don't fit what the "standard of sexy" is…I prefer sneakers over heels (you would be ashamed by the amount of sneakers), prefer football over shopping, and would much rather watch ESPN than Lifetime…#shrugMy friends tend to give me hella side eye when I say I'm not sexy; I think it's because they think I'm being condescending…I'm really not, I just know that dudes aren't breaking their necks to look at me walk down the street because I'm not with the hair down my back, boobs out, and high heels on…such is life…

  9. Cheekie says:

    @Nick – See, I think there was different types of sexy. There's that extreme sexy that you describe as your opposite, except that isn't the only way to be sexy. It may be the most obvious, but not the only way. I love when a guy says a girl is at her sexiest in the simplest way (his tshirt and a smile). That ish makes me feel MUCH better than if he complimented me on my most done-up (which ain't much…I JUST now started embracing makeup and that's just mascara, sometimes eyeshadow, eyeliner and gloss), even if I worked hard for the latter. I appreciate it more when he notices my sexy when I haven't tried so hard to do it. Hell, I turn heads the most in a ponytail and jogging pants (which, yeah, they yoga and tight but that's not the point…lol)…thing is, I'm my showing any cleavage, no skin, my hair ain't done up, there's no makeup. Hell, even when I have loose-forming pants on, if you carry that "aura" (like Shon described above), it doesn't matter how much you dress it up. It's either there or it ain't. And frankly, every guy has a different perspective in terms of seeing what's there. Not every guy considers the same things sexy.

  10. keisha brown says:

    so funny the timing of this post.i went out to the club on sat. it was an old school jam. so insert a bra that will keep the twins under control, an old school top, skinny jeans and cute flats. i mean..you cant do the roger rabbit, wop it out and the running man in a minidress and heels!as soon as we got there, we went in. and when im enjoying myself, i look like im enjoying myself. then there were these chicks beside me.short booty dresses, bodies i would maim for, sexy shoes and the SOUREST looks on their faces. the WHOLE crew! from the time they got there and for the whole night! frankly it was ruining my aura. but what killed me is that those chicks are still gonna be the first to get approached by dudes. men aren't gonna give me a second look cuz i got my ish under wraps. people will counter: do you want a dude hollerin at you in the club, they'll only pursue her for one thing. i counter back: im looking for a proposal, but an ego boost would be nice. but it rarely happens. (unless he's american). i have moments where i FEEL sexy, but dont really think i am. but i dont really want to be. i dont even like the word sexy. i just wanna be..i just wanna be successful. drizzy.

  11. I think sexy is overrated. It's one of those the grass is greener on the other side things. In undergrad I was constantly told that I was sexy… It was nice when I was dressed up for a step show or a party but after awhile it gets old. 90% of the time (i enjoy the sex pot every once in a while) I'd love to be the girl that guys call to play ps3 or that sneak up on you in wife beater and basketball shorts sexy. – also if you hadn't exclaimed that you weren't "sexy" I wouldn't have known that- sexy is 99% how you act it (look at J.Hudson v. Amber Rose).

  12. im not a man so i wont speak for them. but from what ive been told (about myself and other women), being sexy goes beyond the idea of a strict feminine outfit e.g. some high heels, a freakum dress, and a made up face. the times im told im sexy the most (by men who actually respect/like me) is when im not even trying– be it from something i said, something i did, or the way i look (an expression on my face, or my stance). while men can be very simple creatures (no offense lol) and drool over the "sexiness" of the bria myles's of the world, they also find the sexy in women beyond physical aSSets and clothing. in my opinion, sexy can be "oozing sex" (and drawing your attention to all those sexual centers on a woman's body) but also a sexual appeal that excludes your basic female parts and points to something feminine and inviting to a man's desire for YOU (that other women dont have).all that to say, i dont think you being tomboyish and anti-girly ish makes you unsexy. those very qualities are probably very appealing to many men because they dont need you to be in a certain feminine state to see in you what makes them wanna do you (for lack of a better phrase). *shrugs*

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