Good LAWD, I’m tired…..
So here’s the thing, there’s a reason my nickname is “dropsy” or “narcolepsy.” I was three years old when MTV came on the scene, and I haven’t had a good night’s sleep since. Matter of fact, I think that the early years of MTV (aka “the best time EVER!”) put me in so much sleep deficit, that even when I do sleep for a number of hours, the after-effects don’t last long. I’ve been known to get 7 hours sleep (considering it’s me, that’s a LOT) and then have to go back and take a nap 2 hours after I’ve woken up. What’s up with that? Is my life THAT boring that I need a vacation from myself? #NoSeinfeld And no matter how you caught me, if you ask me if I was sleeping I’ll look at you with red-eyes and a groggy face and deny you ever saw it. Who you gonna believe? Me, or your own eyes? That’s what I thought. And if you’ve ever seen a mirage, you know that your eyes lie! I Never do!
I firmly believe that I’m just sleep deprived. I know there’s a statistic that supports this claim but the amount of LAZE that is running through me at this hour would make LAZY look good. So find the statistic on your own or take my word for it.
However, every now and then sleep catches up with me. I’ve found myself in some predicaments where my body has shut me down. No matter where I am, no matter what I’m doing. It’s a well known fact that “Nick can’t sit still” because sleep will inevitably follow. To let you know that you’re not alone, I’m giving it a “free for all” on Friday. And telling you that no matter how sleepy you are, “betcha can’t do it like me.”
(disclaimer: the situations aren’t original, my tactics are)
1. Coming home from the club.
I know this has happened to everyone, so I don’t think I’m oh so special with it. But I can’t count how many times I’ve gone out, ACTUALLY made it home and fell asleep in the parking lot because I needed a nap to get the energy to walk inside. I mean a literal “park the car, turn down the radio, and recline the seat” nap. I’ve been known to be outside for about an hour after I’ve gotten home because I JUST couldn’t do it. Then I wake up, pick up my shoes and walk inside. And as if the actual turning of the keys drained my life force, will then collapse on whatever surface can hold me and fall asleep (face up, still got on makeup) til morning.
2. At a party.
I went to a graduation house party. I was fine before we got there but you fed me food and I sat down so you know what happens? YES, Nick got sleepy. My idea of fun is NOT always sitting in a room full of people I hardly know and watching tv. I can do that ish at home. I don’t have to get dressed up for it. I’m sitting by a speaker, casually position my arms on it and go to sleep. I mean, a literal “don’t wake me, yes i hear the bass” fall asleep. My friend still talks about it to this day. What did I TELL you though, “I CANNOT sit still” and unnu did tink seh mi a tell bad joke. (sound it out, hooked on phonics)
3. At the movies.
This has happened to everyone (I’m sure). The thing is that the time in question, I was the one that suggested we go to the movies. And for me, the movies are like Pringles chips, I never just have one. I’m talking about time planning, which theaters, movie length all written out so that there’s no lag time. And I fell asleep in the first one. However, can I just say that once I caught the 30 minute nap I was fine for the other two. Besides, it was a movie that I’ve already seen! See, how many “get out of jail free” cards do I have to use?
4. In the bathroom.
Once again, you’ve been here. The thing is, I once got up (just for a #1, and fell asleep so swiftly that I didn’t realize I was asleep until I hit the floor. Yes folks, I fell off. I mean a literal “pants round my ankles, oww this floor is cold” fall off the toilette. (“toilette” has more flair don’t you think?) I then curled up beside the tub and fell back asleep. My mother heard the “thump” and came running, saw me, then ran to get a camera (really mom, REALLY!). I was in the fetal position with my pants around my ankles clutching the bathroom mat.
5. At the office.
I KNOW this situation doesn’t put me in a category by myself. Everyone falls asleep at work. When the music just doesn’t keep you busy enough to keep yourself from daydreaming about food. Just yesterday I texted a friend that asked me to talk to him so I could keep him awake at work. My last job didn’t have cell reception, so this was not an option for me. So I had to get creative. Matter of fact, this whole post was going to be about the ways I fell asleep at work, but I just decided to give you this gem. My office was shared with 2 other people and we had an “open door” policy. So closing the door (unless I was dealing with money) was not an option. Insert Nicole technique here. I would take a pen go under my desk. (I’ll explain the pen later) Curl up into the fetal position, reach out and pull my chair in and go to sleep. (do NOT try this without proper job security) I would look and check out my traffic quota for a few minutes, see how many people were looking for me. Once I realized that it was safe, I would catch a quick 20 minutes. I would watch people’s feet from underneath my desk as they would come in and say the “well I guess she’s not here.” And if they decided to investigate further and actually come around to my side of the desk, I would come out and hold up the pen exclaiming “Ahh, I found it! Yes, how can I help you.” I have also been known a time or two to say that I was pulling staples out of the carpet. (because we ALL know that the vacuum just don’t get it) No one’s ever been the wiser.
I can tell you other tales, but I thought that these five were fit for your eyes to read. And in case you’re wondering, yes I’ve fallen asleep during sexy time. I’m sorry, but that’s another story for another day. Not for the sake of the post, but I’m actually yawning and if you check the time stamp, you’ll realize that I’m up really early considering it’s me. So I’m just gonna click “Publish” and go back to bed.
Have a great weekend! And I’ll catch you on the flip-side…
Peace and Love,