Aren’t your fingers tired!?

I know what’s happening. It’s not exactly like I’m behind the times or anything. I fully understand that texting is what we’re doing now.
Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against texting. I find texting to be a very creative way of communicating in church where we wouldn’t normally be able to. Its convenient, I get it.
I have a problem with it though. (I’m trying to figure out how to put this delicately.) It’s beginning to exhaust me. It’s a bit too much.
   Don’t know what I mean?….. walk with me….
There’s a few people that use the text for everything. And I mean, EVERYTHING! I understand you might not want to talk on the phone, but please understand, I don’t want to text all night. I know a few people that will text a little bit of everything and not know when the texting ship has sailed.
  and sunk..
  I have a friend that will text me with the usual “wuz up” and when I respond, he continues to send me text after text. Each more simple that the one that preceded it. Which is something that annoys me because we all know that the “fine,” “I’m alright,” and “how was your day?” are EACH sent in their own texts. My plan is unlimited, so I’m not stressing that, but honestly we know that a 15 minutes phone call can knock this out, right? Ohhh, you’re playing the ps3? Then WHAT did you text me for?
  Mind you, I’m not this way with everyone. I understand when we’re all in situations where a conversation is not possible. Matter of fact, my friend text me the other day in church. He was in the choir and I was seated. That I understand, and even then, the texts didn’t go on for too long.
  But my mystical, magical friend wants to carry out a conversation. A conversation that lasts H-O-U-R-S and what really cracks me up is when I ask him what he’s doing he’ll say something like “nothing, just bored at work.” @#*&%@)%&#)&%) Say WHAT!? So you decided you were gonna text me!? With nothing of importance to say? To top it off, when I take longer than 3.14 seconds to answer I get the fresh text that says something like “well I can see ur busy, hit me up later.” or the “well since you got so many things to do, you don’t have time to say what’s up” I usually read said texts and say something to myself like, “Damn, I was supposed to take the phone in the bathroom with me too so that I didn’t miss his ‘text-window’ I just can’t piss in peace.” These comments make me wanna say “passive-aggressive just makes me aggressive.”
  I know the fact that I’m not working is the main reason that he does this. I know he thinks (as many people do) that since I don’t have a job that i MUST be sitting at home looking at the leaves change color. THAT IS NOT THE CASE!
  I don’t HATE texting. That’s not what I’m saying. I realize that it’s the way that we all keep in touch. My  problem is when I’m trying to end the conversation and the other person doesn’t realize it. I’m dropping hints like the bombs on Nagasaki and when the mushroom cloud clears they’re still texting!
   SO, since we all like lists, here are the ways that YOU know Nick is trying to get out of this text conversation. Please let this list become a part of your everyday existence. Learn it, live it, love it.
  (this is by NO means a cohesive list, just what I had on my notes at this hour.. lol)
1. I don’t ask any introductory questions back.
   If you ask me what’s up and I reply with a “nothing.” Then you have lost me straight out the gate. I’m not going to ask open-ended questions so that you have to answer me back. This tactic is called “I’m angry my text went off and it’s you.”
2. I’m vague.
   This is a follow-up to #1. If I say something like “oh, just handling my biz (?)” or “doing nothing, just chillin.” Then ONCE AGAIN, you have lost me. You never had a shot. It’s like playing 21 with nothing but Old Maid cards and expecting to win. Pack it up and move on. NuffSaid This tactic is called “I’m not listening, I don’t care.”
3. I start taking long to answer.
   And I mean, LONG! If I go from back and forthing consistently to taking about 25-30 minutes to answer, that is your cue! Oops, she’s on the move. She’s zoned out. This tactic is called, “roll eyes” (because that’s what I’m doing at this point whenever my phone goes off.
4. I’ll start using less and less words.
   I’ll go from explaining my whole weekend to you to “Lol.” and “K” (I couldn’t even bother with the “o” to make it ok.) My sentences will get shorter and shorter til there’s just nothing left. This tactic is called the “fade to black.” 
5. I’ll tell you I fell asleep.
  Now let me explain, sometimes this is actually the truth. I’m writing this post at 2:30 in the morning and will probably take several naps tomorrow. (day off) If you and I are texting and you haven’t picked up on any of the other signs, then I will get a case of the *insert yawn* and “go to sleep.” Anyone that knows me knows that it doesn’t take a lot for me to take a nap, so that’s that. This tactic is known as “narcolepsy.”
6. I’ll tell you that I was talking to my mom.
   The mother card always gets me a free pass because one of my biggest complaints is that my mother LOVES to talk. About nothing too! It isn’t far fetched for her to accost me out of the shower and want to talk about her day. (Like tonight). However, this usually works in conjunction with #3. They are a 2-4-1 combo. And you are not the combo breaker (no Killer Instinct) This tactic is called, “mother, I love you.”
   And last but not least, if all else fails:
7. I stop answering.
   Plain and simple. I’ll look at the text, see if it’s pertinent (by now, it’s probably not) and close the phone. I’ve been known to throw my phone in the sofa (which is right by my desk) or purposely leave my phone in another room so I don’t hear it go off. This tactic is usually used in conjunction with #4. I mean, I gave you more hints than if ALL the tiles were lit up on Wheel of Fortune and you STILL thought I couldn’t POSSIBLY want out. Don’t let yourself be confused by your own importance (or lack thereof). YES, I’m trying to dodge you and you won’t learn the easy way, so we gotta take it to the streets and learn the hard way! This tactic is called, “Passed out” because that’s what my phone did when it realized you were still texting 7 hours later (true story).
  I’m really not heartless, you just have to recognize the signs. And here is your own personal “Cliff’s Notes” to help you pass the test. Now, of course there are people that are exceptions. People that will get my full attention no matter what. My close friends are some of them. Dudes I find interesting are some of the others (and right now, it’s only 1) and there are some people that COULD get my full attention but they don’t abuse their power like that (if you fall in this category, I LOVE you). Maybe, just maybe everyone is now realizing that I’m anti-social. Maybe I’d rather the 20 minute phone call to knock this out, then I get a stay of execution for another few weeks (months?) until you feel the need to call me again. Besides, we all know that a massive amount of tone and inflection are lost on texts. Ask @OG_Humble_One {twitter code} who constantly has to explain himself because his sarcasm didn’t come across.
   It’s a funny world, I’m just trying to live in mine.
~Fade to black…..

9 Responses to “Aren’t your fingers tired!?”
  1. LOL nick you are a mess!! but i feel you on most of this notorious for txting back one word answers, NO return questions, and long delays btwn txts. some ppl just dont get it. and im not rude enough to say "dont ever text me again. k? thnx. bye." so i just showcase my rudeness in short txt backs. and now that i havent received my new replacement phone and have to use a basic a$$ phone with only a number pad?? yeah, i dont return ANY ones texts unless its super important (in which case i likely just call back). *smh*

  2. max says:

    Hahahaha I'm just happy you haven't used any of these tactics on me. Yet. But you know I love a text so I'm sure you will at some point…

  3. SaneN85 says:

    Well, since we've had approximately 1/25 of a text conversation, I feel safe. I'm surprised you consider 25-30 minutes a long time to take to write back though. I guess it could be, but I'm usually at work so I could take 2 hrs sometimes. *shrugs* Also, I've been very guilty of each of these tactics. Heck, my sister has been texting my since April and I still haven't written her back. That's what she gets for always asking for money.Also, I loved Old Maid.

  4. Cheekie says:

    Girl, I am not a phone person and would rather text when I'm out and about, but I feel ya…if it's a long conversation, we should be on the phone! Or in person (if possible). And I definitely do number 4!! In fact, because I do it so much, I could always tell when other folks do it and take note. Hilariousness.

  5. Sukez says:

    Now, I love texting but you deserve a standing ovation for this because I've had to use those steps. You said 25-30 minutes. I've taken 4 hours to reply to a "What you doing?" text. Now if that can't tell that I'm a wee bit bored, then I give up. Lmao I love the seven steps of "You should stop texting Nick now"^_^ you are indeed a mess.

  6. keisha brown says:

    it's soo much worse with bbm (BB Msgr)im not a IM freak, but there are people who FREAK OUT when the D (delivered) turns to R (read/recieved) and there's not response for more than 5 mins??? People need to take a Ritalin and relax.If you CAN talk, and the txt convo takes longer to compose (and isn't of substance that is worth carpal tunnel), than just do it. nike.

  7. Barbara says:

    While texting is highly convenient, I prefer talk to that special someone over the phone. I have this thing about hearing the other person's voice, and not having to guess (using context clues) in what tone they meant to convey a certain text. It can get annoying. But for the most part, I've become so accustomed to texting that it's practically second nature. If I could text my job to let them know I'm running late or something, the world would be a better place. lol

  8. Tunde says:

    let me say this. i don't like texting. SMS texting that is. i love bbm and gchat from my phone. but text messages? i could do without. why can't the whole world just get blackberrys? lol

  9. ComicBookGuy says:

    Nick, you are one kooky chick, but I love it. I cannot stand simple texting. Call me. Just call me if you are bored like that. Better yet, pick up the phone after you text me because I may want to talk to you.GOW II Update: I released the Phoenix, beat the Kraken, which was a fun battle, and I am about the fight two of the Fates. Might be going in for the home stretch tonight. This game is fun as hell.

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