Disaster In Maryland.. Saturday

  (Part 3 of 5.. I have no excuse..)
    This is a long one, buckle in (#TWHS)
   Saturday morning I wake up, and this dude is very excited. He tells me that he’s got a surprise and that I should wear my bathing suit(?). I need to hurry up though because his friends are waiting for us. I get dressed and we leave. He’s on the phone and being very secretive and we stop at a Wendy’s because why? Not only did we get lost, but his friends hadn’t gotten in the area yet.. (so you rush me out the house, and then we have to wait..) He finally tells me that he got a “hook up” and we’re going to Six Flags, which I don’t mind because we had a Six Flags in Florida, and I loved that one..
    (It was NOT the same thing..)
   We finally reach and find parking. We just out and go to meet all his other friends. Seems cool so far. I dare say that the first couple of hours started off alright. We went in the wave pool and had fun. I don’t like dealing with water with certain people because since you weigh less than normal, they try and use that as an opportunity to try and lift you up and hold you around their waist. Excuse, I don’t wanna deal with that (unless I wanna deal with you). Stop trying to get close and secretly bone me underwater. STOP!
   We get out of the water (for whatever reason, they made everyone get out the water) and walk to a roller coaster ride. The line’s not moving, why? “Mechanical Difficulties” (red light!). Alright, so we go on this tube slide thing and that went off without a hitch. I’m actually starting to loosen up because secretly, I was tight from the incidents from the day(s) before. I was walking on eggshells watching my behavior to make sure I didn’t piss off my host. (And I can tell you, that is NOT my style!)
   After the tube thingy the group came to the general consensus that they wanted to go back and see if the roller coaster was fixed, and “SURPRISE!” it was. HOWEVER, ya girl Nick does NOT have the greatest luck. It has been my experience that almost everything that can happen to me most likely will (this has tapered somewhat in my 30’s, but I’m not taking any chances.) So with that said, I have a strict “Don’t press your luck” policy that rears its head in situations like this. If we went by the roller coaster and it was having mechanical difficulties, then there’s NO WAY that I am going to be the guinea pig when this ride gets up and running. I was once coming back from NY on a flight that had mechanical difficulties and when I found this out, my booty immediately got tight. (pause). It took EVERYTHING out of me to get on that plane. Let’s put it this way, if it wasn’t going to cost me several hundred dollars to change my ticket, I would’ve stayed in NY a few more days til that plane had done enough test flights to guarantee my safety (and for those that have been to NY, staying a little bit longer is NOT a bad idea) So I decide to sit this ride out.
  (it is at this time that my “impending doom” button should’ve started flashing, but it didn’t.)
  Maybe I should take this moment to explain something. I am NOT awkward in social situations. (no surprise there.) So even though I didn’t know anyone else in this group, I quickly found a couple people that I could talk to and we became acquaintances that day. We’d be walking from ride to ride and he would be ahead of the group with his friends, leaving me in the back to talk with the girls I just met. They went on another ride, and I sat with them and ate Subway and even saved this fool a cookie. (and I am the ORIGINAL cookie monster!). He comes over and I give him the cookie in a grand “look what i got for you!” gesture. He says “they didn’t have any chocolate chip?” and I immediately want to ram the cookie down his twisted-mouthed throat.
   We go to a few more “rides” and then wind up at this Batman-type thing. Which is (guess what) BROKEN! Of course, we didn’t figure this out until we had already been in line for about half an hour and realized that the line wasn’t exactly moving. It was during this time that I was standing in the back of the bunch talking to the two women, and he came up to me and asked me if I was alright. I answered “yeah” and left it alone. He tried to get touchy feely with me AGAIN in line which I do not like (unless I like you) and I laughed it off.
  We got to the front of the line and realized that this ride was working sporadically. I tell you folks, there is NO better way to instill safety in my mind than for me to see several mechanical workers on the track of a roller coaster. Sorry, I’m checkin out.
   After some other bullcrap, night is falling and we’re getting ready to leave. We stop outside an ice cream shop to use the bathroom and I notice that he’s a bit quiet.
  Me: “Are you alright?”
  Him: “No, not really”
  Me: “Oh, what’s wrong?”
  Him: “I’ll tell you later.” (OH SH*T!)
    It is at this point that the red flashing lights and buzzers go off I start dreading the ride down the sleepy street because I know I won’t be getting any sleep soon.
   We barely pull out of the parking lot and he goes IN:
   He starts talking about how he went out of his way to get tickets for me because he wanted me to have a nice Maryland experience (which I understand, don’t get me wrong). He had to pay $25 dollars per ticket (?) to get me in. I spent most of the day talking to someone else. I didn’t run up ahead of everyone to make sure that I was walking by him (?!). Didn’t I come up here to see him?! “Yes,” then why was I talking to other people? Etc etc.
   Because I’m the nice person that I am, I let him have his emo-moment and stayed quiet before I came back and hit him with my fire! If you can imagine what goes on inside a kettle before it starts to whistle, THAT’S what I was experiencing at that moment. I felt like I was bubbling and any minute now, I was gonna start Hollerin!!
   I use these moments for introspection and making sure that I get my point across MINUS the emotion so that nothing but facts are presented. And dare I say, that facts CANNOT be argued with!
   We ready……….
   I calmly say to him:
   “You have GOT TO BE F***** kidding me with this! That’s the DUMBEST thing I’ve ever heard. I can’t believe your lips fixed themselves to formulate those words. I feel like I should give you a moment to possibly think about what you just said and possibly take it back. But it’s cool, and I shall tell you why……
  1. First of all, you’re going to watch how the F*** you speak to me.. put that sh*t into your memory bank.
  2. You want me to hug up on you and be grateful that you took me someplace I didn’t want to go?! That wouldn’t even make sense to an idiot. I can be grateful, but honestly, the Smithsonian (remember, the place I REALLY wanted to go) is free ALL DAY! You ASS!
  3. You said you had a hook up and then you want to throw the fact that my ticket cost $25 dollars in my face. If it’s THAT big of a deal, I can pay you back.
  4. OH! you don’t want me to give you back the $25 dollars, then shut the f*** up!
  5. You wait until the WHOLE day is done and nothing can be rectified to address the situation? You saw something that was bothering you and you kept on letting me dig myself a deeper grave JUST so you would have more of a valid reason to show your ass when we left?! Don’t do that sh*t, it’s gay!
    (he said that he was waiting for the right time.. I cry “FOUL!”)
  He THEN tried to ask the questions that are meant to make the person answering them feel small. The main question was “Didn’t you come up here to see me?” Like I was supposed to answer that ish all humbly. To THAT I said,
   6.  I spent $140 of my own money, got on a plane and flew over 1,000 miles. I’m sorry, but I came MORE than halfway, I WILL NOT walk 10 more FEET to make sure that I stand beside you in a water park. You are my host, you have me in a park with people I don’t know and then LEAVE ME to go and walk with your friends. You on that GOOD SH*T and I hope they stop lacing your weed.
   7. To further reiterate, you didn’t say anything earlier that could’ve salvaged the day? The most illogical of people would call you a fackin fool for even thinking this was the appropriate course of action. So basically, your lack of speech wrecked a whole day? This sh*t could’ve been handled while the sun was still up and with much less fanfare than you’re doing now. You ASS!
   At this time, we’ve reached the house but he wasn’t done, so we had to stand outside and re-hash the story too. We are underneath people’s windows screaming at each other. I’m SO upset that I start hyperventilating (loss of thug points) and getting real irate because he won’t open up the door so that we can walk upstairs. After about 45 minutes downstairs, we go upstairs and he starts changing. He puts on a neon yellow shirt, purple skinny jeans and neon green Chucks (! and yes, there’s a reason I needed to tell you what he was wearing). He tells me that he’s going out (!) which suits me JUST FINE because I can relax and watch some tv and just BREATHE! I want to wash the day off of me.
   So he leaves and I feel like I can decompress. WRONG! This man calls me from WHEREVER he is. *Looks down at phone, hits ignore*
   This fool called me back to back four times until I picked up. He doesn’t immediately get to what he wants, he berates me for not picking up the first three times. He wants to apologize (?), I kindly inform him that he’s drunk and he should be safe (I don’t wish malice). I hang up and text a friendly person back at home. (To this day, I still have these texts in my phone.) I want to be sleeping by the time this idiot makes it back home but it’s NOT on the menu. I’m all wound up and they were showing Sex and the City on the tv (DAMMIT CARRIE!!). He walks in all jolly and I pretend that I’m sleeping. He plunks himself down on the bed beside me and “wakes me up”. He tells me he doesn’t see why I would be sleepy considering that I’m a night person and normally I would be up at this hour.** I kindly inform him that the day had been emotionally and physically draining and I don’t want to talk. Everything’s been said. He calls me selfish (at this point, he could say whatever) and gets changed for bed.
   I exhale ONE MORE TIME and turn off the tv..
   Before I drift off to sleep I send a text “goodnight”
    The return text said, “I miss you so much right now.”
  Baby, you have NO idea……
Sidebar:  ** Do we remember on Friday when I wanted to leave the house because usually, he would’ve already been awake? He discounted me then, I’m discounting you now.
    Another side note: I think I dealt with my first down low brotha ever. There were other signs, but honestly, his outfit put it over the top.. Neon green Chucks and purple skinny pants..?!?!
      Shout out to @ethiopianboy, because I told him I would when we got off the phone.. LOL. I know I’m late, but it was all written last night, I promise!!

5 Responses to “Disaster In Maryland.. Saturday”
  1. Cheekie says:

    Girrrrl, my blood pressure is rising just reading this ish! I love your wit: "that doesn't even make sense to an idiot." BWAH!!

  2. Wooooo! Look at that shoutout! #imkindofabigdealI told you, the MD Six Flags is arguably the worst amusement park every created. I judge people who voluntarily choose to go there, especially if you're from MD. -_- @ your boy. I guess the only bright side is that dudes like this make me look a million times better.

  3. ComicBookGuy says:

    Damn. That's all I can say after reading that. You are the sh*t to me because you keep on ticking after something like that. Weak@$$ness once again rears its ugly head.

  4. P. says:

    1. Man, I LOVE reading stories about the Six Flags in Largo.2. Neon yellow + purple jeans + neon green = DC/PG. Honestly, hit up a mall and just look at the color combinations on shoes. I bet they still have those black/red/orange/brown/green/purple/yellow (this is all on the same shoe, mind you) Dunks and Huaraches on the shelves.3. I'm going back home in a month. Give me this gump's name so I can go punch him in his face.

  5. max says:

    I loathe this guy.#thatsall

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