I’m not a legend….

 

   I found myself a tad bit bored on Saturday. I didn’t want to brave the hordes of people that had infested my area of residence. That’s my verbose way of saying that I live in S. Florida and that it was Memorial Day weekend. Nuffsaid.. So since I was sitting at home I decided to pop in a movie. I had exhausted my love movies (yeah, i know) so I pranced into my brother’s room to see what I could take.
   Great..  “I am Legend”
When I decided to watch this (again), I wasn’t sure I could get through it, there are certain movies that I am only meant to watch once and this was one of them. I promise you that if I had remembered how the movie made me feel, I wouldn’t have watched it again. Thus I forgot, so in it went.
   Without giving away too much.. (maybe i should issue a spoiler alert anyway..)
    *spoiler alert*
ok, like I was saying. Aside from the entertaining qualities of the movie, the thing that most got to me was that you actually felt Will Smith’s solitude. His loneliness was palpable and very oppressive . You could imagine just how existence would be if you were the last person on the planet. I started thinking about how I would spend each day. How I would try to guarantee that the next day was not like the one prior (which is a big deal for me, as I like constant change)? I found myself thinking about several things, and maybe it’s just because I was looking at it through a different lens because I PROMISE you, i don’t think the object of the movie was meant to be that deep…
   a few lessons learned from “I am Legend”

1. I’m not built for a solitary lifestyle.
    Don’t get me wrong, I don’t really like people. I LOVE making new connections, and figuring out what little idiosyncrasies I share with who, and where. But honestly, people mistake my personality for being a “people person,” which is not entirely the truth. I keep my circle of friends tight. However, with that being said, I started thinking about what my existence would be like if I had NO ONE to speak to. Forever and ever, amen. Til I died?! I can’t fathom it. I need the human interaction. I can sit at home, in front of the computer for days, but when I come up for air, there BETTER be someone around for me to talk to. That’s just the way it is.
   So, for those people that I shut down when you were just trying to establish a connection, I’m sorry. I promise I’ll do better in the future.

2. I REALLY am a dog person.
   One of my side hustles is pet-sitting when my friends are out of town. I love dogs and believe them to be beautiful animals. I once cat sat for a friend of mine and let’s just say that I couldn’t use the bathroom in peace. The cat, (which i named, Cujo) would stick his paws under the door in a very terrorizing manner, and then want to sleep on my face. Another cat used to hiss at me. I’ve just come to the conclusion that you can’t have too many p*ssies in one area. It’s no good. Bad times are had by all..

3. Dogs really ARE loyal.
   As evidenced in the scene where Will Smith got hurt and the dog stayed with him and barked him awake. Even though the dog knew that once the sun set, there was gonna be “twubble.. twubble” he still stayed. Which I thought was a beautiful sentiment to the story, but that’s really sad because while I know I’m a dog person….
 
4. I don’t love dogs like THAT..
   Maybe I’d feel differently if all I had left in the world was my d*mn dog, but honestly, if my dog got bitten my rabid beasts, and I had to be home before sunset, I’m not exactly sure I’d be sticking around to make sure Cujo made it to the car. “What chu want me to do, I’m sorry..” Maybe I’m just not the nice person everyone thinks I am.

5. Men should ALWAYS go first.
   I got into a discussion on VSB last week about chivalry in the new age here. Women were talking about men opening doors, and men were saying that some women didn’t like it, spouting the “I’m a woman, I’m liberated” argument. I mean, that’s all fine and dandy, but if the rabid girl had said something along the lines of “baby, smell this vial of blood for me, please.. whatcha think?” then she wouldn’t have gotten trapped. Instead, she was actin all liberated and got her a** caught AND she got butted in the head with that huge gun Mr. Smith was carryin. Serves her right. Chivalry isn’t dead.. When we’re talking about survival and whatnot, I’m gonna stay in my lane.
   and my final lesson..
6. Even infected men look after their women.
   Now, I know this might seem strange, seeing as how #5 and #6 refer to the same couple. BUT, when the idiot woman got caught, guess what her boyfriend did? That’s right, he remembered Will’s face and set him up. He made a mental note and said, “I’m gonna get that ninja later, just wait. Cuz no one steals my broad and gets away with it.” I guess the dude felt the need to overcompensate because if he was on his job, then his cooter* wouldn’t have gotten snatched in the first place. But, he did come back and get his revenge. I gotta respect any man that would avenge me if something happened. However, don’t let me escape and come find you though, because I’m fussin you the h*ll out for not protecting me in the first place. It’s a catch-22 men, I’m sorry.
   So with that all being said, let’s just put it this way, I can’t be around for no “end of days” type scenario. I honestly would lose my mind. My dog would get his a** TORE up and I’d just be sitting in a corner chewing on my hair, waiting on my time to die..
    so while I think I’m pretty legendary, I’m not a legend..
      and that’s the “butt-booty” truth..
     Nick
  
   *cooter- a Nick @ Nite way of saying “p*ssy” often used by me in conversation.. 

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Comments
2 Responses to “I’m not a legend….”
  1. MsEsquire77 says:

    I love you for 1-3 and I hate you for 4-6! This movie made me realize that I'd be lost without my family and friends. What good is living if you're totally alone? Honestly, if I were in the same position I may have let the crazy, zombie people kill me just to put me out of my misery.Thanks Nick, now I need a drink 😦

  2. Kirk Lazarus says:

    5&6 are definitely a catch-22! mostly because women won't follow 5 and then men have to do 6. I just wish women would listen sometimes…

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